Guy Documents His First Week of Work at Target – Apparently There Are Some Weird AF People in This World

Day Four:

  • -The store is having a 10% off your entire purchase sale. I have a coupon to scan if anyone asks for it. I scan it if people don’t ask for it if they’re nice to me. I don’t scan it if they’re rude. Power is a new sensation. Power is a good sensation.
  • – Because of the sale, we have been flooded with guests itching for a bargain. When I need to go on my break, the manager has to stand in front of the line and tell people to go somewhere else. As the line died down, I prepared to leave. A new wave of people approached. She whispered to me “run as soon as you can.” I did not see her after my break.
  • -An old man comes through the line and loudly announces that “this is a cash thing. No cards!” His clarity is appreciated, but also questioned.
  • -A young man follows him. He jokes, “this is a card thing. No cash!” His smile shows he was a kind man. His joke shows he was a dad.
  • -A confused teenager follows after. He whispers, “……….cash”. He thinks he has to announce his payment type. I do not correct him.
  • -Children continue to handle their own transactions. This makes my day good. One girl had her own wallet and told me “thank you for your help, sir”. This makes my day great.
  • – Five hours into my shift, I discover small figurines of Bambi and Pluto behind my register screen. Knowing that I am experiencing the happiest place on earth for a bargain price is nice.
  • -A customer purchased hard salami. The store sells a product called hard salami. How anyone can work or shop here with a straight face remains beyond me.
  • -A small girl waits in the cart as her mother pays for her transaction. She decides she had enough. She shouts, “Let me out of here!” She attempts to leave the cart. She realizes the walls are too tall. She sits down and accepts her fate with a shocking level of grace.
  • -A grown man sees a coloring book on a shelf. He calls after his wife, who has already walked away. “There’s a coloring book here. This is just pitiful.” No one has any response for this.
  • -I met a man who looked like Harry Potter if, instead of getting out of the cupboard at age eleven, he stayed in there for fifteen more years with nothing but Red Bull and My Chemical Romance albums.
  • -A woman gets 69 cents back in change. I know that I will likely get reprimanded if I make a 69 joke to a customer. I do not speak to the customer any further. I am trying to decide if it is worth losing my job or not.
  • -A little girl in basketball shorts kicks the candy rack multiple times. I expect her to turn around and show that she is throwing a fit. Instead, she seems calm and please. She is having the time of her life. I look forward to seeing where life takes her.
  • -A child in my lane gets a toy. A child in the next lane yells at him for having a toy when he does not. Toy-having child prepares to throw the toy at toy-lacking child. Parents pick up their respective children. Thus ends the Baby Feud of 2016.

Day Five:

  • -I open my register. An octogenarian woman approaches. She purchases bras and lingerie. I cry on the inside. It is too early for these images.
  • -A small girl helped me put her parents bags into their cart. Every time I hand her a bag, she digs through it, announcing which things are hers and which are her parents, and putting her parents’ items in the cart without the bag. They did not earn the bag and she treats them accordingly.
  • -A group of old people came on a field trip to Target and spent ten minutes discussing the new Jungle Book movie before buying a copy. Their reviews were overwhelmingly positive and gleeful.
  • -The DVD ran $18.94. The group banded together, pulling out every coin they could find to ensure they gave me exact change. They must have had ten dollars in coins between them. The strength of their teamwork inspired me. The depth of their pockets confounded me.
  • -A fly flew directly into my nostril before bouncing around and making a swift exit. I was more impressed by its aim than bothered by its decisions.
  • -A woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a frappucino. I think her dress was handmade. Her head scarf still had a price tag.
  • -An old couple came through my lane to purchase gardening tools. Anytime one of them turned their back to the other, they would be tickled without warning or mercy. I believe I have just had a glimpse into my future.
  • -A very angry old man pulled two full carts through. He purchased a Twix bar, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, 36 pairs of underwear, and 262 adult diapers. I believe I have just had another glimpse into my future.