It seems as though every day, new “dating trends” pop up in Millennial dating culture and to be honest, it’s nauseating. Why is it that we’re incapable of having normal, functioning, healthy relationships with people anymore? It’s as though our short attention spans have caused us to no longer be satisfied with living day-by-day in a stable relationship. Instead, we’re constantly looking for attention from every single outlet possible (social media particularly) when we feel a bit slighted in our own relationships. Is your boyfriend ignoring you? No problem, post a selfie and regain your validation from other guys. *sigh*
Recently, a new trend has been going out in many couple’s relationships and I promise you, you’re probably guilty of it, too. “Sidebarring” is something that basically everyone does (in romantic and non-romantic relationships). It has everything to do with technology and even more so to do with your short attention span and lack of f*cks to give about the other person you’re with. When you “Sidebar” someone, you literally move them to the side and focus your attention on something else – another conversation via text messaging on your phone. Whether it be through DM’s on social media or actual texting on your phone, when you’re involved in another conversation via your screen and still involved in a conversation in the real world, it’s rude as f*ck and shouldn’t be happening.
And, while reading this you probably understand just how rude it is to commit this, you still do it frequently and probably will continue to do it, as well. According to a study by Facebook, 71% of people they surveyed admit to “sidebarring” people and having those side conversations on their phones. It seems innocent to some, but in all reality, it can cause major problems for your relationship overall.
If you’re having a conversation with someone, it’s common courtesy to pay attention to what they’re saying. If you’re texting someone else, you’re not giving them your full attention which means you’re devaluing them and their time. They’re clearly taking time out of their own day and schedules to talk to you and spend time with you, so by ignoring them for something else, or even half-assing the time together, is just plain f*cking rude.
Not to mention, we continue behavior we become accustomed to and develop habits from them. The more we “sidebar” people, the more comfortable we become just ignoring them or having two conversations at once. Allowing yourself to develop this kind of habit is not only toxic to you but it’s also unhealthy for your relationship overall. No one wants to go out with someone who’s glued to their phone the entire time. It’s boring. The more you continue to do this, the more your relationship will turn into arguments of “you never told me that,” when in reality, they did – you just weren’t paying attention.
At the end of the day, you may think you’re not doing anything wrong because you’re not cheating or intentionally hurting someone, but sidebarring proves you don’t care about what your significant other is saying, enough to where you’ll actually pay attention to them. And, in retrospect, it shows a lack of respect for them entirely.