Every year, it seems as though I’m bombarded online with new “dating trends” that people are implementing in their relationships to manipulate someone, use someone, or to completely and utterly hurt an innocent bystander who was just looking to fall in love. Why do people do it? Why do people utilize tricks, techniques and weird habits to make someone else feel like a complete and utter waste of time and space? Because, they’re douchebags, obviously. In all honesty, people who use “dating trends” to get what they want out of someone shouldn’t be dating in the first place – but that goes without saying.
The latest trend I’ve learned about is something called “love-bombing” and – it seems as though I’ve dated a few guys that have used this, though I never knew that it actually had a name.
Love-bombing: verb. An act in which a person uses fast-paced attention, “love,” admiration and affection very quickly into your meeting (1-2 weeks), to manipulate you into letting your guard down and becoming vulnerable. After you’ve become weak and infatuated, they ghost you, leave you or move on shortly after.
It sounds pretty f*cked up – doesn’t it? And, while reading that definition makes you think that anyone who does that is a complete and total d*ckbag, a lot of people actually “love-bomb,” regularly. Especially, while living in the digital age.
Nowadays, it’s pretty easy to become infatuated with someone only moments after meeting them, as dating apps and websites has made it instantly gratifying to meet, connect and speak with someone in a matter of seconds. With Tinder and Bumble being as popular as they are, most people find it normal to have this type of interaction.
You match with someone on Tinder and you begin direct messaging. They shower you with compliments and affectionate sayings to get you interested in them and wanting to talk to them because – we all love some form of validation. After you message with them for a while, you exchange numbers and before you know it, you’re speaking to them every day. Fast forward to two weeks later, you’re telling your friends you have “feelings” for a guy you haven’t even met yet.
Why it’s a problem:
Dating advice sites and experts always tell girls that it’s important that they “let their guard down” and really keep an open mind when it comes to dating new people and seeing where a relationship can go, but, can they blame us for having trust issues nowadays?
We tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves when we hit it off with someone in the beginning. It’s so hard to find people that we actually feel we “connect” to in such a saturated world. And, when we do, we become vulnerable. It takes a lot out of us to become emotionally attached to someone – to make them a part of our routine. And, even if we haven’t met them and haven’t established a serious relationship with them just yet, talking to them every day and allowing them to contribute to our happiness makes them apart of our daily routines and lives. The minute they disappear – they hinder our happiness that has become a regular for us.
When these people “love-bomb” us, and, completely disappear – it leaves us with a bitter, sour and uneasy taste in our mouths. It sets us up for trust issues with anyone else who enters our romantic horizons in the future.
We could just as easily meet the right person – someone who wants to actually get to know us, appreciate us and establish that “future” we so desperately yearned for in the past, but now, we’re walking around with a giant brick wall attached to our bodies. We don’t want to open up to someone again, only anticipating that they will up and leave us like the last.
What to remember:
It’s hard to know who’s real and who’s not from the get-go of meeting someone – in fact a lot of times you can never know. And, how can we really have faith in everyone we meet when new “trends” like this pop up more and more everyday? It’s a difficult obstacle to get around.
What you can do is be careful who you give your heart out to. Don’t rush into things with anyone – what’s your rush anyway? There’s no fun in being tied down to someone when there’s no “substance.” You’re young and you’re a catch – meet new people, experience new things and really take the time out to get to know someone before divulging into a sea of emotional attachment.