Listen up.
1. They respond to texts in a timely manner.
Taking hours to respond to a text in an age where literally everyone has an iPhone implanted into their palm of their hand is so whack. Shooting a dude a text shouldn’t be some agonizing should-I-or-shouldn’t-I endeavor all because you’re worried he won’t answer for 5 hours and you’ll inexplicably feel lame.
2. They shower regularly.
Listen. This seems self-explanatory, but the number of guys I’ve met in their late 20s and older who smell as though they live in an underground dumpster is, quite frankly, appalling. Cheap soap is like, the cheapest thing you can buy and showering is basically free.
3. They only wear beanies when it is seasonally appropriate.
A dude who wears beanies when it is 70 degrees or warmer is inviting a (literal?) roasting from any and all.
4. They know how to hold a conversation with strangers.
A guy who can hold his own when left alone at an office party or family gathering? Hot Guy. Similarly, the ability to small talk with waiters, cashiers, bartenders, and anybody working in the service industry is a skill more people should hone in order to make the world a more pleasant place to live.
5. They aren’t obsessed with Instagram.
I once went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and on the way back saw that he was just checking the Instagram likes on a picture of himself. I wish I could say I was mad, but in reality I was just hell of embarrassed on his behalf. I bounced. Later, I realized the majority of his IG was just pictures of himself. Any person who maintains their self-worth from strangers on the Internet is missing a lot of important stuff inside.
6. They wear clothes that fit.
Size doesn’t matter, however wearing pants that trap the nuts in a sweaty denim paralysis (workout gear doesn’t count) or billow, revealing a buttcrack at every turn, are gonna be a no from me, dawg. Just wear things that fit, and be a Hot Guy. It’s simple!
7. No dumb graphic tees.
I’ll let you define “dumb”.