Britney Spears is a lot of things. She’s a very recent 36-year-old. She’s Pop Royalty. She’s a mom of two. A best-selling artist. The owner of an utterly baffling Instagram account. And now, she is the Queen of Christmas. Because if her Christmas tree isn’t the definition of epic, I don’t know what is.
The musician posted a photograph of her tree to her social medias on Wednesday, and behold:
— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) November 30, 2017
BE?HOLD?~!
It is the size of three regular size Christmas tree stacked atop each other’s shoulders, like children in a trench coat. It dwarves the tan recliner next to it tenfold, granted it is a tiny children’s-size recliner (?!) but still. Imagine having a living room with high enough ceilings to fit this tree, let alone have maaaad room left over? Being rich looks awesome.
If being rich means having lamps and fresh cut roses in abundance, SIGN ME TF UP!
But back to the tree. I have so many questions. Did Britney decorate it herself? If not, who did? Did they need to use a stepladder? How long did it take? What is the topper? I need a breakdown of each and every ornament. What’s up with that tiny recliner? Do her sons recline in it holding soda cans like real adult men? How does the tree stay so erect? I NEED ANSWERS.
Naturally, Twitter and Instagram had their own questions and comments (although none so astute as mine):
Look at my recliner compared to @britneyspears recliner! THAT TREE IS GINORMOUS! ? pic.twitter.com/p6elERvWAi
— TheresaRockFace (@TheresaRockFace) November 30, 2017
Then there are these people, who are truly, truly my personal birds of a feather:
Happy birthday and Merry Christmas, Britney. Never change. Except for the carpeting in your living room. Change that.