20.
When you're brushing your teeth and your toothbrush runs off the rails and up into your gums and rips half of your face apart.
— John Mayer (@JohnMayer) September 7, 2017
19.
Wait did Garfield have a job? He hated Mondays but why would it matter unless he worked a 9-5?
— John Mayer (@JohnMayer) November 1, 2017
18.
Confession: while I’m annoyed by people who talk loudly/act obnoxiously in public, I secretly admire their lack of self consciousness.
— John Mayer (@JohnMayer) October 31, 2017
17.
Dogs have no idea what's on counter tops. They must think it's pure magic up there. #drafts
— John Mayer (@JohnMayer) October 20, 2017
16.
(When you get a new text)
*iMessage: maybe Kevin*
"Hi it's Kevin"— John Mayer (@JohnMayer) September 5, 2017