8. My parents aren’t going to like anything I wear.
No matter how hard we try, parents always give us that look when they find us on social media and witness what today’s age calls “costumes.” Our parents called it lingerie.
9. Because, I can’t pee alone.
Not that I ever do when I’m out, but now I really can’t just go. I pretty much need an army to help me out of my costume here and what happens if I pee in my Spanx again because I just can’t hold it? Yeah, exactly. I’m going to be a hot piss drunk mess.
10. Because I might get harassed or roofied.
Freaks are everywhere ladies! And when you get asked what your attacker looked like? “Oh I don’t know, I think he was dressed up as the Joker from The Dark Knight.”
11. I’m always worried someone’s going to fight.
Gretchen lied to Cady and told her that her Halloween costume was good so what makes you think someones not going to lie about something and piss you off too? People say and do dumb sh*t when they’re drunk – and suddenly believe they’re unaccountable in a costume. I don’t know what full-on moon Halloween brings out, but it is not one I enjoy.
12. My diet was going great before this.
Yeah, you bet I stayed away from carbs and sugar to fit into this costume this week. But now you’re throwing all this candy at me and I’m just going to vomit up and break out from tomorrow. Great.
13. And my worst fear of all – running into my twin.
The bitch who ruins the whole night for me at the sight of her. All because she’s wearing the same thing as me after I fought with myself so strongly to go out and dress up this year. Which brings me back to number one – why I hate Halloween.