Because not everything is a huge deal.
This sounds so obvious but I have to say it.
I have heard my friends talk about these things that are huge to them that wouldn’t even cross my mind twice. But then there are things that would cross my mind twice and they’d never think about. So it’s true – we all have our triggers.
And sometimes, the people we love set them off. That doesn’t mean this person doesn’t love you or is trying to be malicious, it’s just a mistake. Holding onto something like they forgot to pick up your dry cleaning (for the second time this month) can be hard because it’s like – Jesus Christ can you just get it right. But it’s like… just laundry? So you have every right to be annoyed for their irresponsibility, but is it going to cost you everything? Probably not.
I just wouldn’t put this person in charge of holding onto your social security cards and passports.
Some people can forgive more than others.
I realize that some people can forgive more, and some of us reach a certain threshold. My friends would argue that I have had an exceptionally high tolerance for bullsh*t in the past (hence why I have none now) and I wouldn’t say they’re wrong. But I could also say that I’ve seen people jump head first into a fight about something for no reason but to cause a scene and be back on their A-game 20 minutes later.
Some people can handle that whole thing, I personally have felt absolutely defeated because of the amount I have forced myself to forgive and I realize from that I will never push myself to that point again because it cost me my mental well-being.
No one is forcing you to forgive.
For example, in a worst-case-scenario: your partner cheats on you. If your partner cheats and you take them back, that’s on you. No one put a gun to your head, you chose to stay. But you better work at that forgiveness for them like there’s no tomorrow if that’s what you choose and if you want to ever move past it.
But, it’s not your fault if you can’t.
If your partner sits there and apologizes for something and you have chosen to stay with them, it is not your fault if you can’t move past what they’ve done. It’s not theirs either. It’s an emotion and you can’t control it. At that point, it is best to do what is good for you. (Like leave they’re cheating ass).
It might be you who needs the forgiveness one day.
That goes big or little. You might forget an important event your significant other told you about and make other plans, or you might actually answer a text from your ex that you shouldn’t have.
I get it, we all get it. We are human and we do sh*t that doesn’t make sense sometimes for one reason or another. Mistakes happen, and forgiveness in a relationship is so important if you ever want to keep going.
But know that there’s a difference between trying to find forgiveness, and trying to find trust.
Forgiveness means you’re willing to let something go, work at your issue, and move forward without the burden. Trying to find trust means there’s nothing there to work at anymore, to begin with. Don’t confuse the two.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it’s an option. And so many times as women we’re faced with this idea that we need to be strong and not take shit – but sometimes mistakes happen. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean you’re “taking shit” it means you’re also just moving forward.