We’ve all heard of bridezillas – you know, brides who become monsters when they’re about to get married. They become demanding, anal and a lot of times straight-up mean. But, there are also times where mothers of the bride can turn sour. When their daughters are getting married, they want the day to be perfect – but, sometimes they go way too far. One mother of the bride penned a letter to Slate’s weekly advice column about her opinion on her daughter’s Maid of Honor choice and it’s really f*cked up – like really f*cked up.
My 27-year-old daughter and her best friend, Katie, have been best friends since they were 4. Katie practically grew up in our house and is like a daughter to me. My daughter recently got engaged to her fiancé and announced that Katie would be the maid of honor (Katie’s boyfriend is also a good friend of my future son-in-law). The problem is that Katie walks with a pretty severe limp due to a birth defect (not an underlying medical issue). She has no problem wearing high heels and has already been fitted for the dress, but I still think it will look unsightly if she’s in the wedding procession limping ahead of my daughter. I mentioned this to my daughter and suggested that maybe Katie could take video or hand out programs (while sitting) so she doesn’t ruin the aesthetic aspect of the wedding. My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect. All of the other bridesmaids will look gorgeous walking down the aisle with my daughter. Is it wrong to have her friend sit out?
Yes. This is real.
The answer – of course – was appropriate.
I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around this letter. I encourage you to reread it and to ask yourself that time-honored question, “Do I sound like a villain in a Reese Witherspoon movie?” You are, presumably, sympathetic to your own situation and are invested in making sure that you come across as reasonable and as caring as possible, and yet you have written a letter indicting yourself at every turn. This girl is “like a daughter” to you, and yet you want to shove her to the side of your other daughter’s wedding just because she walks with a limp. Your daughter’s wedding will be perfect with Katie as a full and honored member of the bridal party. A limp is not a fly in the ointment; it’s a part of Katie’s life. It is not only wrong to have asked your daughter to consider excluding her best friend over this—it is ableist, and cruel, and it speaks to a massive failure of empathy, compassion, and grace on your part. You must and should apologize to your daughter immediately, and I encourage you to profoundly reconsider the orientation of your heart.
I’m still speechless. I can’t believe someone could be so cold-hearted and inconsiderate of a human being just because they want the “aesthetic” to look proper. How stupid. Twitter, of course, had thoughts.
I am no longer of this earth. This letter has killed me. https://t.co/McnBl7wsfS pic.twitter.com/vAK3xsWiVh
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) September 6, 2017
"she is like a daughter to me in that she probably doesn't like me just like my real daughter doesn't like me because I'm a fucking monster"
— Melissa B. (@Buote) September 6, 2017
Really asking yourself " do I sound like a villain?" Is good operating advice
— John Leavitt ? (@LeavittAlone) September 6, 2017
What in the actual fuck.
— liz (@lizeswein) September 6, 2017
"Look, sweetie, I know it's confusing, but you need to choose your best friend carefully because that's how I have to ruin your wedding"
— Sarah Werner (@wynkenhimself) September 7, 2017
my first thought is that the asides "she's like a daughter to me" and "we were never that close" together constitute an entire article
— militant lorax ? (@theshrillest) September 6, 2017
The mom is awful.
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) September 7, 2017
"Sweetie, can you PLEASE choose someone without a limp as your bridesmaid? It will ruin YOUR PERFECT day. We don't want that, do we?"
— DegusLocke (@SquizzRadical) September 7, 2017
It frightens me that creatures like this walk this earth.
— Joan Carol (@psychomama) September 6, 2017
this cannot be real. it just. can't.
— John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) September 6, 2017
My favorite part is that she said Katie was "like a daughter to me," b/c apparently, to her, that means "not that close and I'm mean to her"
— David Harris (@Hero_Complex) September 6, 2017