21 Products You’ll Need To Buy If You Have A Dirty, Dirty Mind

Are you constantly distracted and perplexed by your dirty mind? Do you struggle to get through a work meeting without giggling every time your boss says “Mr. Johnson?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone. There are plenty of people who are just as dirty as you, and you can all get together to giggle away at these products that are perfect for you.

Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list, but we aren’t spending the money on drugs. I mean, not that many drugs.

1. First, keep it classy with a nice art print.

Georgia O’Keefe is was one of the great modern artists, best known for her paintings of flowers that don’t look like anything else what are you even talking about?

Check it out at art.com.

2. Celebrate your favorite word with this tasty coffee mug.

Honestly they just need to come up with another word to describe cake. Let’s do it now. “Fronksh.” Okay? Everyone says “fronksh” now.

Check it out on Amazon.

3. Celebrate the sexiness of sloths with this shower curtain.

There’s nothing sloths can’t do. Except move fast.

Check it out on Amazon.

4. These rear bike lights are pretty nutty.

Plus they glow a lot brighter, and provide a lot more protection than actual balls.

Check it out on Amazon.

5. These measuring spoons look like… hearts.


Check ’em out on Amazon.

6. This “Pot O’ Gold” cookie cutter is totally normal.

Probably a little more suited for bachelorette parties than St. Patrick’s Day.

Check it out on Amazon.

7. Prove yourself with this book of images you shouldn’t masturbate to.

Challenge accepted, am I right?

Check it out on Amazon.

8. This stretchy mushroom is… stretchy.

It’s a good stress reliever. For those lonely… stressful nights.

Check it out on Amazon.

9. Some geoduck stickers to scare the in-laws?

Why not? Just tell them you really enjoy seafood.

Check it out on Etsy.

10. Draw a dick on it!

Now it’s an actual game, instead of a weird compulsion you’ve had since 6th grade.

Check it out on Amazon.

11. How about some spotted dick sponge?

I don’t know what it is either, but does it really matter?

Check it out on Amazon.

12. This soap is brutally honest.

Because we really are all disgusting creatures.

Check it out on Amazon.

13. This bottle opener is a little too excited.

As you will be every time you get to use it.

Check it out on Amazon.

14. This book of dirty Origami is the hobby you didn’t know you needed.

What will they think of next?! Nothing. That was the last thing.

Check it out on Amazon.

15. Alas! Tis the golden balls!

Just as the prophecy foretold! Grasp them, lest their power fall into the wrong hands.

Check it out on Amazon.

16. 50 Shades of Chicken. A recipe book for BDSM (Big Delicious Savory Meals.)

It’s also filled with lots of pictures of delicious looking chicken in compromising positions. If that’s your thing.

Check it out on Amazon.

17. Games you can play with your pussy.

It’s a book about being a cat owner. Why, what were you thinking?

Check it out on Amazon.

18. Give your tea blue balls with this infuser.

Takes the term “teabagging” to an exactly-where-it-should-be level.

Check it out on Amazon.

19. Your boyfriend will thank you for buying this stress reliever.

As opposed to taking it out on his.

Check it out on Amazon.

20. This pillow will let you have the sweetest dreams.

Until you have to wake up and take your Face / Off it. (I’m sorry.)

Check it out on Amazon.

21. Learn some new ways to eat cock!

Because let’s be honest, you’ve been pulling the same 3-4 moves since college.

Check it out on Amazon.