23 Waiters Share The Most F*cked Up Thing They’ve Overheard While Waiting On Tables

11. Sumofthem:

“Alright babe lets get out of here, this dick ain’t gonna suck itself” says attractive early 30s woman to SO.

12. McKeddie:

Ex waiter. I’m walking down a long hallway carrying a tray of food. A kid comes running from an perpendicular hallway and run face first into the wall without putting his hands up. He starts crying. The dad walks behind him very calmly and kneels down and says,”Buddy, you just can’t go running into walls.” I muffled my immediate laugh with my hand. It brought tears to my eyes.

13. platypossamous:

Late one night I had this couple who were maybe in their late 30s. The guy looked a little like a roid-head and had a lot of tattoos, tough looking guy.

From the moment they came in, the woman was crying the whole time. Not like, a little bit crying but straight up bawling. She hadn’t talked to me the entire time, but the guy was very chatty. He explained to me how he had just found out that he only had a few months left to live and how she, his “angel” was gonna take care of his boy for him and all this shit. Anyway, I felt pretty genuinely bad cause that’s a pretty fucked up thing to hear.

Then I saw them come in again over a year and a half later…. Acting totally normal. They didn’t remember me, but how do you forget the face of someone that told you they were dying.

My theory is that he was abusive and was making up some cover story as to why she was crying that night. Either that or he miraculously survived without looking sickly at all, which in that case good on him.

14. coach_whackbat:

My girlfriend waits tables. One time a creepy man said to her “when I have sex with my wife, I think of you instead.”

The wife sitting at the table didn’t seem bothered by this fact.

I also bought my girlfriend pepper spray and a tazer soon after.

15. sir_ender:

A really douchey 15 year old guy was sitting at a booth with 2 similarly aged girls. I think he was trying to show off to them, he was being extremely loud, obnoxious, shouting inappropriate stuff across the restaurant, and it was a fairly slow night so everyone could hear everything he was saying. He had a Justin Beiber haircut and was basically behaving like one of those spoiled, full of themselves little shitheads you see on youtube. Well sitting in the booth next to them was a young couple in their mid 20’s. They were really nice and polite I remember talking to them, the guy was in the military and was having a nice romantic dinner with his wife. I mentioned to the manager that the kid was being very inappropriate and causing disruptions, but he wouldn’t do anything about it. So about 15 minutes after that little shit head and his 2 girlfriends sit down, the military dude gets up, leans down at the kids table and tells him, I’m paraphrasing, “We are trying to celebrate our anniversary at the booth next to you. You need to quiet down and learn some manners or I’m gonna take you outside and beat the shit out of you.”

Kid went so red in the face and didn’t make a peep the rest of the night. I thanked the military guy for putting the kid in his place before they left.