17 Of Best F**king Deals On Amazon Today

Every day we poke around for the best deals on Amazon and bring them straight to you. So sit back, sip your coffee, and get out your wallet because these sales are too hot to miss. Plus, like, you shouldn’t really have to do any work until you’ve sufficiently treated yo’ self.

Full Disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list, but it’s all going towards a boat that will get us off this deserted island we’re trapped on.

1. These Kindle cookbooks start at just $2.

Small price to pay for being one step closer to your world-class chef dreams.

Check them out here.


2. 20% off a craft beer growler.

Which will save you a whole lot of money, since a craft beer is like 37 bucks now.

Check it out here.


3. These bluetooth headphones are 68% off!

Don’t let the death of the headphone jack stop you!

Check it out here.


4. 13% off this mixed pack of rosé.

Make the most of your holiday weekend by drinking a bottle-per-day. Or just go for it and drink them all before brunch tomorrow.

Check it out here.


5. 57% off this tool organizer.

Stop fumbling around for a broom in your post-apocalyptic nightmare of a closet. Organize your tools like a pro.

Check it out here.


6. This beautiful FitBit band is only 10 bucks.

Who says fitness can’t be classy as hell?

Check it out here.


7. 60% off a phone mount for your car.

Super helpful if you’re a young person who’s ever needed to drive anywhere. Memorizing directions is for the elderly.

Check it out here.


8. These garden shears are 68% off.

You know what they say: When you’re pruning, you’re swooning. Okay they don’t really say that.

Check it out here.


9. 46% off this desk lamp and charging port.

It’s great for when you want to read a book but can’t emotionally handle being too far away from your phone.

Check it out here.


10. This giant pineapple blanket is perfect for beach days and picnics.

Or you can use it as a flag to declare your home a pineapple-themed sovereign nation.

Check it out here.


11. Velvet hangers 25% off.

They can hold up to 10 pounds! For that delicate little silk dress you store your ball-bearing collection in.

Check it out here.


12. This toilet night light is 61% off.

Perfect for any situation in which you would need a toilet night light.

Check it out here.


13. 55% off this advanced dog leash.

It’s got locking and stopping technology to counteract your dog’s running and freaking-out technology.

Check it out here.


14. This cherry pitter will save your teeth.

And is perfect for making cherry pie with fewer choking hazards.

Check it out here.


15. This dope party light is 74% off!

Plus the company offers 24 hour customer support. Now that’s a party.

Check it out here!


16. 43% off this kitchen scale.

Because you’re tired of guesstimating your recipes and accidentally making tomato sauce with 14 grams of salt.

Check it out here.


17. How about a year subscription to Cosmo for only $5?

No more having to wait for a doctors appointment to get all 478 of the sex tips that only Cosmo knows about for some reason.

Check it out here!