Does your bed store more clothes than your closet? Do you show up to work meetings with chocolate on your face? Do you look like you just stabbed someone to death every time you eat spaghetti?
Then you’re in luck.
You see, the slobs of the world have come together and invented incredible technologies to make life easier. These products are affordable, creative, and a must-have for any true slop-monster.
1. Can’t drink wine like a normal adult? Try out these sippy-cup style wine tumblers.
You’ll probably still find a way to spill it on your white shirt, but at least you’re trying.
2. Oh, and you bet your sloppy ass there’s a beer version as well.
Drink like a baby while you get drunk like an adult! It’s the best of both worlds.
3. For those inevitable stains, there are these nifty instant stain removers.
4. Stay clean and classy with this adult bibs.
Literally, no one will be able to tell you’re not really wearing a 3 piece suit.
5. Clothes constantly wrinkled? Then this little steamer is a must-have.
With a 90-second heat up time and 120ml capacity, this little bad boy pumps out a full 6 minutes of steam. That’s enough to straighten out the days outfit with time leftover to clear your sinuses!
6. You’ll never have to worry about spilling wine again with this combo stopper/pourer.
Not only do they seal in the wine’s freshness, they also keep you from panicking when you knock the bottle off your coffee table and onto your rug several times.
7. And when you somehow find a way to spill it anyway, just grab some of these wine-wipes.
They’re made with natural ingredients and come in a sleek, sexy package. Just like you! 😉
8. Stop trippin! Literally, with these no-tie shoelaces.
Perfect for when you’re drunk and a little klutzy or totally sober and a little klutzy.
9. Painting your house? You need this pouring paint lid.
Unless you want to stare at a green spot on your hardwood floors forever. Trust me.
10. Ever heard of the Staybowlizer?
No, it’s not a hemorrhoid donut. It’s a stabilizer for your mixing bowls, so you can toss a salad without getting dressing all over the floor and lettuce all under the stove.
Go ahead and keep salad tossing jokes to yourself, please.
11. These deodorant removers will get rid of that sticky feeling at the end of the day.
It’s almost as good as a shower! Especially when you can’t be bothered to take a shower.
12. Constantly ruining your nail polish? Same. That’s why you need these amazing clip caps.
They’re like little finger helmets!
13. Remind yourself what’s at stake with these strongly worded coasters.
Perfect for when you have guests and you don’t want to make things weird. Just let the coasters be passive aggressive for you!
14. Hate cleaning the shower? Make it more exciting with this RotoScrub drill brush!
I think we would all clean a little bit more if there were badass power tools involved.
15. Take off your pants and get organized with this closet pants hanger.
It’ll keep them wrinkle free and off your bed. Unfortunately it won’t stop you from forgetting to put pants on before you walk out in the morning. That’s on you.
16. Keep your desk clean with this organizer shaped like you.
You can stare into the pigs eyes as you slowly realize that he’s the only one who understands your lifestyle.
17. Have a messy dog? A.K.A. a dog? Check out this no-spill pet bowl.
Sure, your dog will still knock it over, spill water everywhere, and then bark at the dishwasher but at least you’re both trying.
18. Does your refrigerator resemble the 9th circle of hell? Organize it!
These stackable storage bins will turn your fridge into the cleanest room in your house. Just look how easily it can store your 6 different salad dressings!
19. These pouring bowls make it almost impossible to spill your pancake batter.
Almost. They’re also microwave and dishwasher safe!
20. Do you get pit-stains before you even walk outside? Try these underarm pads.
They come in packs of fifty so that should get you through at least the week.
21. Is your keyboard filled with crumbs from the 90’s? Get a keyboard you can straight-up wash.
Also handy for when you spill beer on it. Or when you want to shower with your keyboard.
22. Or just get this adorable keyboard brush.
Because flinging crumbs out of your keyboard and onto the floor is technically cleaning.
23. Listen to me. Get a shower caddy.
Stop wasting your life knocking things off the edge of the tub when you have soap in your eyes. Your best self awaits.
24. Chips and salsa are a lot of responsibility. Until now.
This bowl makes the journey from chip to salsa to mouth a whole lot easier. It comes in multiple colors and will save you a whole lot of additional stress when you’re already stressed out about the Mets game.
25. Keep the kitchen clean with this amazing and versatile cutting board.
It adheres to the counter, folds for easy transfer of ingredients, and has a juice groove. I call “Juice Groove” as my band name! I call it.
26. Hair look like you just got electrocuted? Not a problem if you have this hot air brush.
27. Hate mopping but love dragging your feet? Try out these mop-shoes.
You can clean your house without even getting a mop. Wear them to parties! You’ll look awesome and can clean up every spill. Instant hero status.
28. If your screens are all covered in fingerprints, you should check out these electronics wipes.
Perfect for leaving a streak-free shine on your TV, computer, phone, tablet, and face. (Okay, not your face.)
29. Free up workspace clutter with this quirky pen and clip holder.
Just stab your pens right in there! Go ahead!
30. Or you can drape your paper clips all over this weird grey head.
I think it’s supposed to be Einstein? What do I know?
31. Never misplace your keys again with this cool key holder dude.
His name is Pete and he can hold up to 30 keys! Sure he may be bald and wearing bell-bottoms, but he’ll never let you down.
32. With this makeup and hair protector, you never have to worry about rubbing makeup on over the head garments.
It may look weird, but no weirder than having makeup all over your collar, right?