For some reason, young girls have grown up with the narrative that the man who comes to save you on a stallion while you’re in “destress” is the perfect man for you. The man who will fight fires and dragons, the man who will battle evil witches – that’s your Prince Charming. When we reach our teenage years, we learn that the man for you is the one who will write you 365 letters unanswered explaining why they love you. The man for you is the one who will wait until you realize he’s there – instead of the popular football player. The man who will help you with your Trig homework and watch you walk away with someone else.
In the end of all these narratives – there’s always some big, romantic gesture that changes our view of everything. Society teaches us that we cannot survive or thrive as women unless we have a man who can save us from the world and make us – well, complete.
They teach us the narrative of “perfect love.”
I hate to burst your innocent, naive and vulnerable bubble – but, there is no such thing as universal, perfect love. In fact, it’s the biggest sham society will ever sell you. There is no such thing as the “perfect guy,” because – face it, everyone is human and everyone has flaws. There is no such thing as the “perfect relationship,” because – face it, everyone has their baggage, issues and pasts.
While “perfect love,” is a falsehood made up by society to profit off of our weak hearts and desire for “happily ever afters,” it distracts us from the cold hard truth that – there is no such thing as “perfect love.”
But – that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.
There may be no such thing as a perfect love, but there is such thing as a real love – and, I’d choose the latter over perfect any day of the week.
Real love means that nothing is ever “clean cut.” There will be problems, there will be issues, there will be obstacles. Real love means that it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, it won’t always be smiles and laughs, it won’t always be candlelight dinners and walks on the beach.
Real love is raw. Real love is gritty. Real love makes you feel.
Real love are those nights where you stay up until 4 a.m. after a fight, wishing you can figure out how to solve your problems. Real love is crying into someone’s arms when you get horrible news. Real love is someone holding your hair back when you have the stomach flu and can barely stand up straight. Real love is being in uncomfortable situations to make the other person happy. Real love is stepping out of your comfort zone and growing as a person.
Real love is anxiety. Real love is waking up everyday and not knowing what the future holds, but being unafraid because you know what you have is true. Real love is yelling. Real love is taking 5 steps forward, to take 10 steps back, to take another 20 forward again. Real love is sweatpants and no makeup.
Real love is weaknesses. Real love is gaining independence from your fears. Real love is holding your own. Real love is uncomfortable. Real love is scary. Real love is actually f*cking terrifying.
No – real love isn’t perfect. But, it is real. It’s not a fake, make-believe picture branded into your brain to make you feel better.