It’s Okay That You’re Not Completely Over Your Ex

Give yourself time.

Heartbreak can be a real b*tch.

The pain of losing someone that was once one of the biggest parts of your life can be unimaginable. We feel it deep, deep down in our soul. We spent so much time with that one person, that they’ve become a part of who we are.

We opened up to them, in every way. We let them see parts of us we never knew existed. We felt their skin on our skin, their hands in our hands, their hearts in our souls.

Our lives included them in so many different aspects – calling them with good news, spending holidays with them, making memories together – that it’s difficult to adjust to life without them.

In reality, whenever we go through big changes in life, we find it hard to adjust. We’re hard-wired to resist change, because it causes sensors in our brains to go off saying, “danger, warning, hazard.” We’re more comfortable staying on the same road that we’ve always been on, because we know exactly what we’re doing and where we are going. We feel safe.

SEE ALSO: How To Tell Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast

Losing someone you love, someone who was such a huge part of your life is like the safety net falling out from under you. And, when you do lose that – it takes time to feel complete and comfortable again.

That’s normal, that’s okay – it’s healthy.

You’re going to feel that pain. You’re going to cry and ache and your mind is going to wander. You’re going to reminisce on good times (and bad), missing them with your entire being.

It’s normal, it’s okay – it’s healthy.

Someone will mention their name – ask what happened, where they are, what went wrong – you’re going to feel like someone gave you a right-hook to the face, you’re going to feel like the wind has been knocked out of you, you’re going to feel tears well in the corners of your eyes.

It’s normal, it’s okay – it’s healthy.

Pain is a constant in life – nothing will ever be easy, perfect and simple. The beautiful thing about pain and heartache is that is causes us to grow as individuals.

You may have lost someone you thought you were going to spend your life with and honestly, that’s really f*cking scary. You’re kind of left, on your face, starting over. But, now you can be in a new relationship – with yourself.

Take yourself out. Spend time with yourself. Learn about who you are. Be in a new relationship with you.

When you’re ready – you’ll realize it’s going to be the best decision you’ve ever made.

There was a reason that your past relationship ended and didn’t work out and the more you take time to look back at it, the more you can learn from it for your future. Maybe there were things they did that didn’t work for you, maybe there were things you did that you weren’t proud of.

The more you look back, the more you can make the necessary changes for your future relationships. You’ll know how you want to be treated, when you’re ready, for the next person who enters your life. You’ll know what you don’t want to do when you find yourself falling for someone else.

So, you’re not over your ex yet – maybe it’s been a week, a month, a couple of years – it doesn’t matter.

It’s normal, it’s okay – it’s healthy.

SEE ALSO: The Biggest Problem Your Relationship Has Is Basically You


Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.