11.
Priest: Do you take this man for
Better or worse?
Better or worse?
Better or worse?– an optometrist wedding
— Pandy Fackler ⛄ (@ThatBrenna) December 2, 2019
12.
Don’t thumbs up my text just say you fucking hate me
— Nick Lehmann (@NickStopTalking) November 30, 2019
13.
wife: promise me you won’t try to look cool in front of your nieces and nephews again it’s so embarrassing
me: of course not
[later during thanksgiving]
me: dayum turkey lookin thicc as shit this year queen
— Terry F (@daemonic3) November 28, 2019
14.
capitalism is the most efficient system to distribute resources and drive innovation pic.twitter.com/jVAgZhMLkU
— tesla killdozer (@argumentwinner) December 2, 2019
15.
Wait a minute…. https://t.co/N8CCPF0wEZ
— Satan (@s8n) December 1, 2019
16.
“you look so unapproachable.â€
But here you are, approaching me. https://t.co/2ivveA46La
— Queen✨ (@milli_cent_) November 30, 2019
17.
last year, i went on a date with a dude and when i told him i was reading Animal Farm again, he laughed obnoxiously for an entire minute and said i was too old to be reading children’s books.
i think about that a lot.
…i wonder if he’s still an idiot.
— my name is no. (@om_eye_goodness) November 25, 2019
18.
Doing No Delete December, you gotta find other ways to fix your mistakes besides taking the cowards way out pic.twitter.com/3jpVKQnCbD
— Tap Water Defender (@Scabhammer) December 2, 2019
19.
one time i shut myself in my room and listened to linkin park while crying because a girl told me she wouldn't be able to go to with me to the 2005 nickelodeon's kids choice awards if i were to hypothetically win tickets in a sweepstakes i saw in a commercial but never entered
— dustin Couch (@Dustinkcouch) November 26, 2019
20.
Papa John looks like the guy in a zombie movie that gets bit and tries to hide it from the rest of the group pic.twitter.com/K3y0qkOIQZ
— Scott (@_buhhh) November 26, 2019