When it comes to relationships, one of the biggest struggles can be finding out that someone you love is abusive. More often than not, people who find themselves in abusive relationships find it incredibly hard to leave because they love their partner so much.
Additionally, many people claim that in the beginning, their partner wasn’t abusive at all. But, while your partner may not be necessarily abusive in the very beginning, there are many early warning signs that your partner can be abusive down the line. People on Reddit are sharing the red flags they have encountered in their own relationships and personal lives that have opened their eyes to the scary truth behind abusive partners.
When they try to prevent you from hanging out or even talking to your friends and family. A lot of abusers get away with their behaviour, because they isolate their victims from people who would be able to support and protect them, and therefor make them completely dependant.
The feeling of walking on eggshells and going out of your way to make sure you don’t do anything they don’t like. When you start hiding menial things like eating without them because of the fit they will throw.
Leaving a social event to go home because you know you have to and dreading coming home. Though really that can apply to lots of situations.
You cannot have a good time with your friends..they emotionally blackmail you into bringing them along and then sulk all the time making you choose between friends and SO .
Slowly you will lose touch with your friends and family and your world is only your So.
If you feel like you have to put your own interests on the back burner in favor of theirs.
If you feel guilty for doing something harmless and innocent that you normally like to do, just because you’re afraid that they won’t approve of it. (EDIT: Reworded this one)
If you offend them, it’s your fault because “you’re an asshole”, but if they offend you, it’s also your fault because “you’re sensitive”.
I think one thing that sticks out with a past abusive partner that I was afraid of him going through my phone. Not because I was hiding anything, but because when he did he always found something to get mad about. Also, he could go through my phone any time he wanted, but I never got more than a glance at the lock screen of his own. He also wanted me to install a tracking app within like less of month of us beginning to date.
Guilt. Guilt everywhere, for every little thing, vastly out of proportion to how serious the issue is or how easily it can be fixed.
Left the butter out of the fridge? Turned up five minutes late for something? Dinner was a bit longer than expected, or a bit burned? Well, that’s the thin end of the wedge — just a little crevice that can be widened over time, until you start doubting your every action (because, contrary to what you might expect, there’ll always be something they can latch on to no matter how careful you are). Can’t you see all the things your partner does for you? Is it really too much to ask that you don’t fuck up this one little thing? Really? Or is that beyond you? Honestly, why would anyone else put up with you if you can’t even get that right?
Very few abusive relationships start with loose fists. First comes the general breaking down of your self-esteem until you feel like you deserve it, because that’s when they know you won’t fight back or leave.
Selfishness- not being centered in self and balanced. I mean they think about their needs being met and are not concerned with your needs.
They won’t take no for an answer when you don’t want to do something. They may not become immediately abusive, but will try to coerce you into doing what they want no matter how many times you say you’re not really into it at the moment. Then, if you absolutely refuse, they sulk or get really passive-aggressive.
Showing up where you are uninvited. Extreme clingy where you can’t really do anything on your own. Also turning tables on you when you actually have a problem with something. Somehow make you feel bad when you shouldn’t feel bad.