20+ People Share Crucial Things They Learned About The Opposite Sex Waaaaay Too Late In Life

Remember that embarrassing thing you believed was true for way too long? For instance, that vending machines were actually called ‘bending machines’ cause you’ve got to bend down to grab whatever you bought? And then one day you dropped that casual knowledge in the middle of a normal conversation with your high school friends, and they all stopped and looked at you like you were an insane person? Cause it’s not a ‘bending machine’. It’s just not.

Now imagine how much worse it would have been if the thing you had wrong was that your testicles eventually fall off and grow into babies. So be glad – your dumb misunderstanding has nothing on these poor unfortunate, extremely embarrassed AskReddit folks who bared their shame for us to laugh at:

34. This guy who got it exactly backwards:

My brother thought women wore bikini tops, etc. because they didn’t have nipples and were embarrassed.

He was probably 10 when I broke the news to him.

33. This guy who has trouble with synonyms:

I knew what a vagina was. But I didn’t know pussy was another for name for it. So why did my dumbass ask my 7th grade history teacher in the middle of class?

Edit: So to add a little more to the story, I was know as the sheltered, booksmart teacher’s pet so I was picked on a lot. Some guys in my history class were making fun of me for not “eating pussy” like they did. I was always a little slow and at that point in my adolescent, I barely understood the point of masturbation so oral sex was alien to me. They wouldn’t explain what pussy meant so in my frustration I just rose my hand and asked the teacher. I didn’t think asking about it was that inappropriate.

32. This guy who had a tummy ache:

I remembering having really bad diarrhea and thinking I was peeing from my butt and wondering if it were possible that I was turning into a girl. The human body used to be so much more mysterious.

31. This guy who saw a lot of barbies:

Okay so as long back as I can remember, I knew girls didn’t have dicks. But…I thought they just didn’t have anything there at all. Like it was just a smooth area of skin (like a Barbie doll) and that they pissed from their butt and that’s why they had to sit down and use toilet paper when urinating. Eventually I found out the truth, but for years I believed girls just didn’t have anything there…

30. This person who is still learning:

It wasn’t until I had a gay male friend late in high school that I learned gay men have anal sex. They don’t actually put one’s penis inside the other’s.

Edit: I was apparently not far off on this one. Docking is a thing. TIL!

29. This chick who gave a weird compliment:

I thought penises got slimy and slippery when men were about to have sex. I have no idea where I got this idea, to be honest.

When I was 16 and was fumbling through my first hand/blow job, I remarked on how soft skinned and dry his dick was.

28. This person who was in for a surprise:

As a child I thought sex was one moment of penetration and then over. Like you roll around and kiss, then the guy sticks it in once and the sperm comes out and sex over. I was basically getting ready to have sex for the first time when I learned that the penis is in the whole time thrusting.

27. This chick who didn’t understand it at all:

I had to explain to my female friend that when you orgasm you do not ovulate. She is 25 and was afraid of having sex because she didn’t want to “waste her eggs”.

26. This guy who just wants ladies to be comfortable:

Boyfriend is 28.

He thought we carried around little containers of vaseline to lube up the tampons before inserting them. He also just found out that some tampons have cardboard applicators (he was horrified on both accounts… “ISNT THAT UNCOMFORTABLE??!”)

Already commented this but he also just found out that maxi pads stick to your panties (and not your body, like a giant bandaids.)

25. This chick looking for double to pipes:

In my mid-30s…just found out that penises don’t have two holes. I thought there would be two different, you know, pipes for the two different fluids.