What’s the most clever thing you’ve ever heard someone said? Maybe it’s a quick comeback or a snarky joke. Maybe it was something you happened to overhear or something a quick-witted friend said. Regardless, everyone has that one thing that made them say “Damn, that was good!”
Someone on Reddit asked people to share the “most clever” thing they’d ever heard and the responses did NOT disappoint.
1. Finishing line
“I was in charge of running the sack race for my elementary school this year. The fourth grade was racing, and when they were done this kid walks back towards the starting line with his potato sack in his hand and says to no one in particular, “I thought I had that in the bag!” I gave him a high five.”
2. Hellraiser
“I was on the street near one of those guys who “spreads” the word of God. He was pointing at a man and shouted, “You sir, are going to hell!” With a shrug the guy goes, “Nah man, I’m just going to the DMV, you’re going to hell for lying.””
3. Honest ink
“I overheard a guy talking to a girl at a music festival. He exclaimed, “Woah, you got so messed up last night. You have a penis tattooed on your back.” She replied with, “Eh, at least it’s something I like.””
4. Potty mouth
“As I was leaving the bathroom I heard a man say, “Urinal conversation is alright as long as the guy doesn’t compliment you on your watch.””
5. High steaks
“Overheard at the grocery store yesterday, a man was explaining to his kid that steaks come from cows. The boy says, “Why do they have to kill innocent cows?” and without missing a beat the dad says, “Because there’s not a lot of guilty cows running around.””
6. The good word
“People trying to hand out bibles on campus.
Man: “Would you like a copy of the Old Testament?”
Other guy: “No thanks, I have the new one.””
7. Kids, right?
“Overheard a 4th grader say, “Issues? He doesn’t have issues. He has a subscription!” From the mouths of babes!”
8. All aboard
“As I entered the train station, I glanced at the clock and realized I’d probably missed my train by at least 10 minutes. No big deal, I was pretty sure they were every 15 or 30 minutes.
I approach the ticket kiosk and the following conversation takes place:
Him: “Yes mate?”
Me: “Return ticket to Derp please.”
Him: “£3.40 please.”
Me – hands him the cash and as he prints off the tickets I say
Me: “Any idea how the long the next train will be?”
Him: -without missing a beat- “They’re usually 3 to 5 carriages.”
Me: -the cogs turn – luckily I figure out the joke in a reasonable timeframe- “LOL”
Him: “I’m so happy! I never get to use that joke!”
He was so pleased with himself. Can’t blame him really, awesome joke and delivered with superb timing.”
9. Entering Australia…
“Them: “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” Him: “I didn’t know it was still a requirement!”
They eventually did let him in, but they were clearly not happy with him.”
10. Gordon Ramsay, folks
“I was in a restaurant Gordon Ramsay was opening. He came into the dining room and a journalist came up to him.
She said, “Mr. Ramsay, I am So-and-so from WhateverMagazine. May I have a minute of your time?”
He said, without missing a beat, “Aw, it’s Christmas, love. I’ll give you a minute and a half.””