64.
Whoever lost an iPhone X in Mcdonald's today .. please stop calling me this is my phone now
— ? (@ascaniospread) April 17, 2018
63.
— rachel (@rachelmaerita) April 18, 2018
62.
— nao (@NOTLEVlOSA) April 17, 2018
61.
if anyone wants to know how drunk my boyfriend was last night pic.twitter.com/XHLagOLMC1
— tricia n (@makeesomenoyes) April 21, 2018
60.
On today’s episode of men pay 0 attention to me lmfao pic.twitter.com/g8Uo4G8wKH
— Morena ✨ (@Lovely_Giox3) April 23, 2018
59.
Just learned our 9y/o did an experiment on us. Lost tooth, told no one for 3d, kept tooth under his pillow. No $. Then he tells us he lost the tooth, next night there is money under his pillow. Then confronted us with his scientific evidence that the tooth fairy isn't real.
— Rogue Dad, M.D. (@RogueDadMD) April 23, 2018
58.
Uh why is my sister’s degree underneath the car seat pic.twitter.com/eHzI1ixnt1
— jochua (@Limboghini24) April 15, 2018
57.
My girlfriend told me she would suck John Mayer’s dick in front of her own dad because she loves him so much. I said the girl on a netflix show we were watching was cute and she got mad and told me to watch it by myself.
— lee (@___leebron) April 2, 2018
56.
“I’ll DM you,” I said.
You sit patiently, expecting a private message at any moment. There’s a knock at your door. It’s me, dressed in a surprisingly well made wizard robe, arms full of books and dice.
“Roll for initiative.” I utter.— ???? ?? ??????? (@LadyAhiru) April 23, 2018
55.
I'm amazed by people who lose weight w exercise. When I exercise nothing happens bc my DNA still thinks I'm a European peasant. So it's like "Oh! Are we running from the English again, lass? Dinnae ye worry: we'll keep ye plump as a partridge to outlast the murderous bastards!"
— Jamie Kenney (@LaComtesseJamie) April 24, 2018
54.
Out here making friends pic.twitter.com/4zaqN2PpmJ
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) April 23, 2018