20+ Things Carrie Bradshaw Wore On ‘SATC’ That Would’ve Gotten Me Beat Up In Middle School

18. A not-quite boho toucan-patterned skirt thwarted by a large belt and braless tank:

I mean, granted, I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house in this tank. I would’ve vibed with this outfit a little more if it wasn’t for the belt, the belttttttt.

17. Cardigan over babydoll dress over jeans:


I’ll cut her headband some slack here, because, I don’t know, headgear was kind of cool back then. She gets this one freebie. But the cardigan holding together the empire-waist dress by a single button? Egregiously baggy.

16. Two words: Flared. Capris.


15. Rajneesh-colored tie-dye knee-capri look, topped with a blue scarf.


I understand that was an overabundance of hyphenated words, but a mashup of this size deserves to be described in mashups alone. I don’t care if it’s Chanel.

14. Familiar headscarf, paired with a tenty-top tank.


Granted, all the girls were wearing tenty-top (is there a real word for this? There’s probably a real word for this) tanks in the 00s.

13. Pink satin rouche strapless dress:


Worn with white Manolos, a couple mismatched Tibetan-style necklaces, a clashing blue handbag, and ANOTHER HEADSCARF.

12.  This…?


I struggle to find a description.

11. These undies:


I understand this is technically not an outfit, nor am I hating on giant granny panties because they’re the best, don’t @ me.  But wearing baggier underwear than your crappy middle/high school BF would’ve warranted some savage trolling, is all I’m saying.

10. Jersey top & capri cargos:


Maybe middle school is when I learned to not wear sports things if I knew nothing about sports. Carrie never learned that lesson.

9. Shakira Goes West:


Listen, if it were up to me, I’d include this in a list of Carrie Bradshaw’s best outfits (please, where does one get a strapless python bikini top?), although it undoubtedly would’ve gotten me in trouble in multiple ways during my formative years. However I was outvoted by everybody I knew. Apparently this outfit is bad??? Nevertheless, It is undoubtedly insane that C.B. owns a cowboy hat the exact shade of her skirt.

8. Goth crown/crimped hair/5-star restaurant waiter getup Carrie wore for Sanford’s wedding:


Dressing up the opposite gender was likely to get you beat up in middle school regardless of whether the outfit was good or not.

7. Another tie:


It is truly the only weak point of the outfit. Granted, I’ve never worn a tie to school— not even in my Avril Lavigne days— but you know what? Carrie stole this tie from Sanford to wear, which means it wasn’t even part of her outfit in the first place, which means it ruined an otherwise great look.

6. The rogue skirt-belt:


What season is this even appropriate for? It does not look comfortable. I would get made fun of for for the baby chub that would squeeze itself out between the top of the skirt and the belt alone.

5. Baggy cargo pants:


Guess what? I did wear big ole buster cargos. Guess what else? I did get bullied.

4. A giant muff in lieu of gloves:


Anyone who muffs instead of gloves deserves to get beat up anyway, unless they are Kate Middleton or, very shortly, Meghan Markle.

3. A dress with trash bags for sleeves:


2. Carrie’s Atlantic city part


It’s got patterns, sequins, and an empire waist. Sure, it’s Balenciaga, but does that matter? DOES THAT MATTER?

1. This visible bra/mesh top/flat iron situation:


The only reason I wouldn’t have worn this to school is because I’d have been grounded if I even considered it. That, and like, doesn’t everyone hate their body in middle school? My point is this outfit, despite potentially warranting a (parental) beating, is dope.