It so happens that in many families, moms struggle when raising young children. While some moms stay at home while their partner goes off to work, they receive little to no help from their partner when they return home from work at night. While some think being a stay-at-home mom is easy, it’s almost like having multiple jobs at once. Watching your children is no simple task. You have to feed them, play with them, keep them occupied and out of trouble, make sure they’re not coloring on walls, hurting themselves, causing accidents. You also need to clean your home, cook for yourself and your partner–all in all, it’s a lot to do in one day. One mom is being brutally honest about how fed up she is about the little-to-no help she receives from her partner and the post has gone viral on Facebook for an important reason.
Celeste Erlach is a mother of two and believes her partner just doesn’t help as much as he should. Erlach wrote an “open letter” to her husband, which was shared on the Facebook page “Breastfeeding Mama Talk” and, many women related to her struggle and pain.
The letter said:
I. Need. More. Help.
Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early. The baby was crying. Wailing, really. I could hear him from upstairs and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep. I chose the latter.
You came into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby still frantically crying. You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed the bassinet just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him.
I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you could do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening to I can attempt to sleep.
Just a few hours of precious sleep. Is that too much to ask?
I know we both watched our parents fulfill the typical mother-father roles growing up. Both our mothers were the primary caretakers and our fathers were relatively hands off. They were excellent dads, but they weren’t expected to spend a significant amount of time changing diapers, feeding, caring, and tending to the kids. Our mothers were the superwomen who maintained the family dynamics. Cooking, cleaning, and raising the children. Any help from dad was welcome, but unexpected.
I see us falling into these family dynamics more and more each day. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of the kids is assumed, even as I return to work. I blame myself for most of it too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And in truth I want to. No offense, but I’m not sure I want to know what a week’s worth of dinner would look like with you in charge.
I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can’t I?
I don’t know.
Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and secretly struggling. Maybe our moms suffered in silence for years and now, thirty years later, they simply don’t remember how hard it really was. Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I’m just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I’m going to say it: I need more help.
Part of me feels like a failure for even asking. I mean, you do help. You are an amazing father, and you do a great job with the kids. And besides, this should come easy to me, right? Motherly instincts, no?
But I’m human, and I’m running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you.
In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can care for the baby and make everyone’s lunches and drink a cup of coffee. And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV. It means making sure he went potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school.
At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed knowing our toddler is asleep in his room and the baby is in your care. I know it’s hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know. But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you.
On weekends, I need more breaks. Times where I can get out of the house by myself and feel like an individual. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store. And some days when I’ve scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I’ve got it all under control, I need you to offer to lend me a hand. Or suggest I go lay down during the kids’ naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.
Lastly, I need to hear you’re grateful for all I do. I want to know that you notice the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I want to know you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and pump when I’m at work when it would be easier for me to formula feed. I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home from your networking events and sport activities. As the mom, it’s assumed I’ll be home all the time and always available to care for the kids while you’re out and I feed that assumption by, well, being home all the time.
I know it’s not how our parents did it, and I hate even asking. I wish I could do it all and make it look effortless. And I wish I didn’t need kudos for doing things most people expect from a mom. But I’m waving a white flag and admitting I’m only human. I’m telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I’ve been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family.
Because, let’s face it: you need me, too.”
Hi everyone!! I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself to any new followers who haven’t heard my story yet. My name is Celeste and I am a mom of two boys under 4 living in Nevada. I’m a marketing professional and mommy blogger on a popular site, andwhatamom.com. I’m also a contributing writer on @huffpost and @scarymommy. A year ago after a significant bout of PPD, I had an epiphany that would change my life forever (read all about it… Link in bio). Now I am building a team of the most inspiring, motivating, and empowered women in the world who want to help others through healthy living and #vegan #allnatural products. If that sounds like you, DM me or comment “interested” and I’ll tell you more. I will teach you everything I know (yes, I’ll teach you Instagram tricks ?) . All I ask is that you be coachable, open-minded, and a self-starter. This world is limitless if you change your intention point. If you are open to change, let’s start now… love you babes! ❤️??? #bossbabe #bestlife #startnow
Many moms saw Celeste’s post online and related to her struggle with needing more help from their partner’s at home.
It’s not that Celeste and these women don’t appreciate their husbands and all that they do for their families, they just need a bit of extra help when the going gets tough. Parenting is a decision that two people make together, and sometimes, moms need a break.