Mom Writes Hilariously Honest Poem About Dads Who Sleep Instead Of Helping With Newborns

Having a newborn at home can be a lot of hard work. Many times, new parents make “shifts” for when they’ll take care of their newborn—that way, no one feels “overworked” and overtired. One mom, hilariously, decided to pen a funny poem about how lazy her husband happens to be during the night hours.

Caroline Olling Andersen wrote the poem at 4 A.M. while her husband was sound asleep and she was up caring for their newborn daughter.

The happiest day of our lives ❤️

Posted by Caroline Olling Andersen on Tuesday, December 11, 2018

It goes: 

My latest 4am poem titled “Daddy’s Asleep”

I love your daddy, I really do,
After all, without daddy, I wouldn’t have you.
But from midnight till sunrise, it’s just you and I. 
And as each hour passes, I’m not gonna lie:
Mommy’s love slowly fades, becomes angry and weak,
Because no matter what, your dad is f***ing asleep!

It all starts out lovely. We kiss each other goodnight.
We look lovingly down at you dear, such a beautiful sight.
An hour later, mommy wakes with a start.
You’re twisting and turning, you’re starting to fart.
You’re gesturing for food. Mommy is there
with a bottle or breast
Daddy is snoring away, the way he knows best.

Mommy burps you, and holds you and rocks you with care.
You spew foul smelling yogurt on mommy’s freshly washed hair.
As mommy changes her shirt, and mops vomit off the floor.
Your daddy farts, rolls over and continues to snore.

Mommy’s maternal alarm goes off, it’s not even three!
You’re stirring again, you’re hungry and staring at me!
“I think she is hungry” your daddy offers, pulls duvet over his head,
Mommy sends him a death stare and rolls out of bed.
Mommy comes back, tired and drained and what is this I see?
Your daddy has taken over my side, doesn’t give a f*** about me!

Mommy kicks him and pushes him angrily away.
“What’s up love?” He moans in a lovingly way.
Your daddy has no clue he is under attack.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my back.
And just as my love for daddy is back on the rise,
You start to coo in your crib and open your eyes.
And daddy gently nudges me to attend to your need.
I give him the finger as I prepare for a feed.

But as the sun starts rising, the slate is wiped clear.
I’m back to full love for your daddy and for you my dear.
I forget that daddy sleeps while you cry and you poo.
It’s back to kissing and hugging and doting on you.

Soon you’ll grow up and be daddy’s little girl.
You’ll not remember me cleaning up shit and vomit hurl.
Whilst you sit on his lap and he sings you a song,
You’ll love him and think daddy could do nothing wrong.
But my sweet love, here is a poem for you to keep,
So you know that all those long nights, dad was f***ing asleep!

Caroline just so happens to run a blog called The Mommy Poet. After sharing the poem online, she said she received a lot of hate about how her husband “wasn’t helping out,” and a lot of moms judging him for sleeping through the night. She told BoredPanda that the two have made an arrangement, seeing as her husband is a school teacher and she is on a long maternity leave.

Truth is, we made a deal during my pregnancy that I’d take the night shift, because I’ve been blessed with long maternity leave. [This way,] he gets to sleep so he can be ready for his 10-12 hour day teaching 10-year-olds. That said, tiredness will still cause you a lot of passive aggressive feelings in the early hours at night – hence my poem, which was written at 4 am on a particularly tiring night (everything I wrote in that poem happened on that one night).

Posted by Caroline Olling Andersen on Thursday, January 19, 2017

Nonetheless, the poem is hilarious and a lot of people online felt they could, too, relate to that tired frustration moms get when it’s pretty damn late and you wish you could just go back to sleep.

h/t: BoredPanda, Facebook.

Avatar

Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.