Tights are the devil’s creation. I remember the first time my mother made me wear them – I was 7-years-old going to temple. Immediately after opening the package and seeing how thin and sheer the material was, even at that age, I knew they were going to inevitably rip. And, the minute I walked int temple, I heard a quiet, but noticeable, rip. On my back thigh. All the way up my leg. Showing off my pink flowered underwear underneath my skirt. In a temple. It was hell.
1. They constantly rip, no matter what you’re doing, when you’re doing it, or how you’re doing it. If you wear tights, you can expect to look like you can’t afford a new pair of tights by the end of the day.
How/why can/do my tights rip in literally the space of a 10 min walk between my house n the station pic.twitter.com/G4uCxrIj85
— Anna (@a93lou) January 6, 2017
2. They’re impossible to put on evenly. Without ripping. How many pairs of tights have you gone through just trying to put them on?
3. If you wear them on a day when it’s a bit too warm out, enjoy your trapped sweat brewing inside of your tights.
4. Oh, and they probably smell like absolute garbage by the end of your sweaty day.
https://twitter.com/Mummydoc1/status/960630076491608065
5. Nude tights look like you’re trying to be fake-tan Barbie.
6. Black tights are never truly black. They’re see-through black. Trashy black.
7. If you have to pee anytime during the day when you’re wearing tights–good luck and God Speed.
8. And, if you get stuck in the rain, prepare to be uncomfortable the rest of the day as your tights are glued to your legs.
9. Did I mention how itchy they can be?
10. If you want to buy cheap ones, you’re throwing money in the garbage. Setting it on fire. Flushing it down the toilet.
11. If you want to buy expensive ones and they rip, ditto.
WHY DO I ALWAYS RIP MY TIGHTS THE FIRST TIME I PUT THEM ON
— Sam (@Steely_Sam) November 25, 2017
12. The moment when you get a pull in your tights, but they haven’t ripped yet, so you’re having anxiety about the moment they will rip throughout the entire day and you can’t concentrate on anything else.
13. You can’t wear them with open-toe shoes unless you want to look like you have webbed feet of course.
14. If you buy feetless tights so you can wear them with open-toe shoes, they will ride up and your skin (that doesn’t match your nude tights) will pop out and you’ll look like a damn fool.
https://twitter.com/CiaraEichhorst/status/933067210192510976
15. If it’s cold out, you’re basically stuck wearing 2-3 pair of tights for warmth, but you secretly feel like you’re walking in a straight jacket.
16. The sizes on tights-packaging are never truly on point.
17. You know you’re a medium in underwear and leggings, so you buy a medium but you end up having the crotch area sink down to your knees.
18. Almost everyone has saggy crotch problems when wearing tights.
19. And, you’re always wanting to fix your saggy crotch problems in public, but you look like you’re touching yourself and people will stare. Or call the cops.
https://twitter.com/caoimhegberg/status/808591831747481600
20. Your feet will always slide around your boots when you wear tights.
21. But, if you decide to wear socks with them, your boots will smell like a dirty sewage for the rest of your life.
22. Washing tights? The devil’s chore.
23. When you do wash your tights, the color runs all over your bathroom sink.
24. And, you have to hang-dry them, and someone always ends up knocking them off the shower pole, so they’re never dry when you need them to be.
25. You’ll probably catch your tights on something 15 times in one day.
26. Meaning, holes.
27. And anxiety.
28. And more holes.
29. Where do all the pill beasts come from? Why are they always popping up out of nowhere?
@marksandspencer – I've worn these tights once & they're already bobbly. Can't even get the basics right anymore. pic.twitter.com/SFckXWy21D
— Debbie Miller (@DebbieM2412) November 3, 2015