Turns Out Santa’s Reindeer Are Actually All Female

To which, FIRST OF ALL, exactly, who cares, and also how many boys y’all know named Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, or literally any other reindeer name, and also, would you really prefer Santa’s reindeer to be castrated males rather than females? Y’all crazy.

https://twitter.com/CJBonholzer/status/940646841812598784

Then there’s this hysterical exchange:

https://twitter.com/ChrisGuttuso/status/940649926492590080

https://twitter.com/ChrisGuttuso/status/940694858410483713

https://twitter.com/gayligula/status/940727084695072768

And probably my favorite response yet:

Anyway. if we had to answer this incredibly pertinent hypothetical question, what would the answer be?  Wildlife biologist Imogene Cancellare may have just put this question to rest in a recent  interview with Inverse: The antler debate aside, female reindeer have a much higher body fat percentage than males, which means they are far better suited to handle Christmas Eve weather than their male counterparts. “Not all female[reindeer] have antlers, but for Santa’s crew to have antlers in December, they would be females” Cancellare concluded.

So there we have it. Our childhoods are a lie. Welcome to 2017.