15 Of The Best F***ing Deals On Amazon Today

We get it: you don’t have the time or patience to poke around Amazon all day looking for cool stuff to buy. Thing is, we do! So we scrolled through endless garbage to find the coolest stuff and bring it right to your screen. Thank us later. Or now! Thank us whenever you want.

Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re putting it all in a big pile and burning it. And by “burning it” I mean “spending it on chocolate.”

1. These beautiful crystal coasters.

For when you want to put your Titos and Diet Coke down on something fancy.

Check ’em out here!

2. These butterfly wall stickers.

Who wouldn’t want to cover their walls in freaky bugs? I mean beautiful creatures.

Check it out here!

3. This pencil cake decorator.

Write messages on your baked goods like “Happy Birthday!” and “I want my 6 dollars, Jim.”

Check it out here!

4. This wavy wine rack.

All those empty spots are just personal challenges.

Check it out here!

5. A marble butter keeper.

To combine your love of butter with your ancient Rome aesthetic.

Check it out here!

6. A bicycle pizza cutter.

Why? Why not.

Check it out here!

7. This hyper-realistic doughnut pillow.

Try really hard not to bite it, or you’ll just get a mouth full of pillow again.

Check it out here!

8. This flying pig pillow.

The only downside to owning this is you can never say the phrase “when pigs fly” again.

Check it out here!

9. This geometric succulent planter.

For when you failed geometry but you still made it to adulthood in one piece.

Check it out here!

10. A cheese door stopper.

It stops doors the way real cheese stops your colon.

Check it out here!

11. Your new mascot.

Slash Tinder profile picture.

Check it out here!

12. This turtle pillow.

You’ve already named him, haven’t you?

Check it out here!

13. This scientific coffee mug.

For when you want to feel smart while you inhale coffee like a desperate addict.

Check it out here!

14. Unicorn pajamas.

Also works as a unicorn halloween costume. And a unicorn gym outfit. And a unicorn business suit.

Check it out here!

15. A Goodnight Moon shopping bag.

What was that book even about?

Check it out here!