Friend breakups are arguably more fraught than romantic ones. You can make a clean break from a partner – and while people will have their objections – it’s accepted as a possible outcome of the relationship by observers and the parties involved (usually).
Ending a friendship isn’t as socially welcomed, especially if that person hasn’t committed transgressions you’re willing to discuss publicly. If someone asks, “Why did you and Alex break up?” you can say, “It just didn’t work out; we had really different goals.” But if they ask, “How come I never see you with Max anymore? You guys were BFFs,” the “different goals” angle doesn’t fly.
A friend breakup is different from a slow fade. A friend breakup has a defining moment, a point at which one of you decides that you’re officially not friends anymore.
You delete each other from social media. If the final straw was a serious transgression, you might even block each other.
Of course, that just means having to bookmark their Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram pages so you can log out and stalk them later.
Social media creepin’ is an important step in a friend breakup. How else will you know if they’re talking about you?
If you have a flair for the dramatic, you might subtweet or vague-book about them without using any names.
Or if you’re totally insane you might make a post and tag them in it.
However, most of us would rather die than draw attention to something deeply hurtful that others might dismiss as “drama,” so a lot of friend breakups are suffered in silence.
You second guess yourself, thinking about all of the good times you had together.
But then you replay the bad times in your head, focusing on what caused you to cut them off in the first place.
You might feel embarrassed when both of you are invited to the same party, knowing people are going to expect you to arrive together.
When people ask you why you’re not with your ex-friend, you offer some kind of weak excuse like, “Oh, we just decided to drive separately” + a subject change.
Eventually folks will get used to your separation, putting two and two together and realizing that you’re no longer friends.
Once some time has passed and the wounds have healed, when someone asks, “Whatever happened to so-and-so,” you can honestly say, “We just grew apart as friends, but I wish them all the best.”
Unless you’re feeling particularly salty that day, in which case you can spill all the tea.
