Christopher Meloni Is Generously Donating Thirst Traps To Twitter In Our Hour Of Need

Things are rough. Though people have probably considered what they’d do in the event of an apocalypse, few imagined it would involve so little sex. After about two weeks of quarantine, most single and solitary people are chewing the walls, overcome by horniness.

Thirst traps are skyrocketing on social media. Everyone is desperate to find a quarantine boo. It’s a serious problem.

While many celebrities have failed to connect with the public in a satisfactory way, our man Christopher Meloni knows what his fans both want and need. No, it’s not a cover of “Imagine.” No, it’s not a link to a GoFundMe he could easily cover with a fraction of his net worth. He listened to the people:

And then he fulfilled their dreams:

Thirst. Traps.

Not one, but two. And while he asked, “With glasses or without?” we know that he wasn’t offering up a question about glasses. He was asking us about his rock hard abs, a body that’s still murdering us all at 58-years-old.

No Shirt:


The thing is, even if he just shared the one with his shirt on, Christopher Meloni in a kilt is enough to carry me through at least another week of quarantine. Like, why does he have a kilt? Does he wear it in daily life? Or just when he…makes love?

I’m also wondering where he is quarantining. Is he in a hotel? that door looks weird for a celebrity home. If he is in a hotel, does that mean the kilt travels with him all the time and he’s not stuck with it and no pants?

Whatever is going on, Meloni knew what he would be unleashing. The responses are a torrent of people who have been inside furiously masturbating for two weeks and who are now willing to go again:

Thank you for lifting our spirits Detective Stabler. Now please—lift that kilt.