I had recently broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, where he emotionally and physically abused me the second half of it. He had cheated on me no less than 7 times, so when I finally found the courage to leave I felt scourned and selfish.
A good male friend of mine, who I knew had a girlfriend, was constantly hitting on me now that I was single, and I had always fantasized about him, and now that I was single, I was in too dark of a place to care about his girlfriend, I finally wanted my comeuppance. I ended up being his side chick for about 2 months before I realized that the “relationship” wasnt as therapeutic as I thought, and I was only hurting other people.
I consider that honestly one of the worst things I’ve ever done. If I could take it back I absolutely would. I ruined a loving relationship of 4 years because another totally separate relationship of mine fucked me up from the inside.
Heartbreak drives to to raltionalize the irrational. I have learned how utterly disgusting cheating is from both sides, and I will NEVER be a part of it again. With that I will also never stsy in a cheating relationship ever again.
We were both married, so we were both the side piece in the situation.
On my end, I was deeply unhappy and thought I was unworthy of love. We started chatting and we had a lot in common. He seemed to really like me and he came on to me. I was really attracted to him. Didn’t think too much about his wife. Eventually, I fixed things with my husband and one of the stipulations of my newly repaired marriage was, of course, that I cut off contact with him.
As for him, I think he was also deeply unhappy and didn’t really know how to process it. I think to put it really simply, he spent a lot of his time feeling bad, but the affair made him feel good. I don’t think he would have ever left his wife (I personally was VERY close to divorce and my unhappiness was due to feeling unloved in my marriage, but I don’t think that was the case with him). He did suggest at one point that we could leave our spouses and get together, but I think that was in the passion of the moment rather than a real suggestion. I would have done it at the time (I had not fixed things with my husband yet and at that time did not know my husband would be willing to stay together), but strongly suspected that if I went for it, he would have ended up changing his mind.
I don’t feel guilty. I loved him. I feel like he saved my life. He was the catalyst that caused my life to change for the better. If it wasn’t for him, I would have still been miserable. We don’t talk anymore, but think about him a lot. I hope he’s doing well, I hope he’s happy.
I was a teenager when I met him and he was my first love, nearly 10 years older. We just clicked. It’s sick, but for me he was a drug and I was the addict. It really came down to being deeply in love with him and being unable to walk away when I truly believed love would conquer all. After 4 years, he finally got a divorce, promptly married another woman, and our relationship ended badly with my broken heart. He and I are both happily married to other people now and speak briefly maybe once a year if that. We still have too much sexual tension and unresolved feelings between us to be cordial.
I was a side chick a few times. Some I did not know about and was played the other I was knew fully I was # 2.
For the times I did not know I was played I’ll reason that with me being young and blind in love (yey freshman year of college). I left the relationship painfully shortly after and in one case was villinized for it.
I garnered a self destructive bad girl streak and ended up having a short fling with a married childhood crush. I knew it was wrong but I hated myself for not stopping. The only good thing is that I refused to be sexual with him even though he pressured me. So to wake myself up from my stupidity, I went to look at his wife & kid FB pages. Took me only a day, I didnt want to ruin his kids happiness so I broke it off. Dude showed his true colors, told me it was my fault for having an affair and even hinted he has done this many times and never got caught.
I use that memory as a wake up reminder that I should value myself more and not fall for douches like him…even if I tend to be self destructive towards myself, I will never go that path hopefully again.
I needed the money for college. I was an only child and my parents never had much.
We met on campus. He was in talking about finances like a presentation and we just clicked. He’s a much older man than I am, maybe 15 years?
I found out a few weeks later he had a wife and he told me he was going thru some hard times with her. He also told me when I found out he’d give me money to keep quiet about it.
Truth be told, it turned me on knowing we could get caught. So I just kept doing it.
Because we are older. Because we have been married to our spouses for over twenty years.
Because he is his wife’s caregiver. Because she hasn’t been capable of having sex for over a decade and their lives revolve around her incurable pain and the $5k/mo in medical expenses. Because he is desperate and exhausted trying to beat down the demons that have hollowed out his spouse and marriage. Because for those few hours, he can be taken care of and take shelter from the howling chaos and crushing responsibility of his full time life.
Me? Because my spouse developed ED at 38 and became annoyed with providing sex and affection, and suggested that if I stupidly insist on such things, I should go find them elsewhere. He seems relieved and says we’re sexually incompatible and always were. That women demand too much. That there’s only so much you can learn about a person before you know it all and get bored. Kids are nearly fledged and I’m re-establishing a career. Time to plot a new course.
My side dude is my life preserver. And I am his.
To summarize it all, he tried to hide his relationship status on MySpace with codes and told me his fiancée was his sister. I was heavily into codes at the time and pretty much took apart his page after reviewing the html format I took from his page. Nothing but I love you n I miss you baby comments btwn each other. I messaged her asking who he is to her n she told me her fiancé then she wanted to fight me but I blocked her. He called me crying saying he was going to leave her for me. When I asked him”are you done?” (because he was crying on the phone) he said “I am throwing everything away for you and this is how you act? You cold hearted bitch.” I hanged up and went about my life. I did like him but after all that I felt like I wasted time. My sister laughs at me from time to time bc of what I said and how I act like he didn’t exist after hanging up.
We are In love. It’s pretty simple. We dated 25 years ago, and ended it because of the the pressures of a long distance relationship at a young age. I mean, who marries their high school sweetheart? So we avoided that cliche, and instead became a different cliche. Fast forward fifteen years, and we saw each other at a grocery store, sat down and had a Starbucks, and it was like not a moment had past. We were together physically two weeks later. We are drawn together like two magnets. And we know it’s wrong. We are each married. He has three children and I have one. We stay with our spouses because neither of us is willing to not have our children full time. We’ve been together for ten years like this. And we will continue until our kids are out of the house. When I get down and want to leave my husband, he encourages me to stay. I do the same for him. It is absolutely not anything I would ever have thought I would do, but here I am.
I was the side dude. She was with him for 11 years. I’ve known her for 13 years. She was my ex-wife’s best friend for a very long time, my ex decided to stop being her friend because she was still associating with me and allowing me to rent in her house.
We spent all our free time together while her boyfriend would ignore her and play videogames. We have very similar interests. I’ve been in love with her for some time before we did anything. Physically, she’s built like a goddamned pornstar and is literally the hottest woman I’ve ever been with. We are extremely compatible sexually.
I know I started things off wrong, but THERE WAS NO RIGHT WAY to get her. And there’s only one of her. Now that he’s gone, we plan on staying together for the rest of our lives. We’re head over heels in love. She’s incredibly perfect for me and I’ll be goddamned if I had just let an opportunity to be with her pass.
I believe in being a good human. I know right from wrong. If participating in an affair damns a person and morally condemns them for the rest of their life, it was still fucking worth it.
I was the side guy. And it just kinda happened.
I never thought she would make a move but when she did it just felt right. I knew her relationship was broken, and everyone in her life didnt know why she was still with him. He never showed her off like she enjoyed, she said the sex was horrible and he had a big temper issue. It wasnt until I told her id leave if she didnt end things with him that she finally did. She told me repeatedly that I treated her better in the three months that we were hooking up than he did in the last year and a half or so of their two years together.