As the loving creator of all humanity, it saddens me deeply to see my children make crude and tasteless that are an abomination unto my laws.
Still, some of these Tweets are pretty damn funny. Sure, I’ll 100% send you to hell for laughing at them, but to be honest, it might be worth it.
nyc subway about to risk it all pic.twitter.com/eBeUOp5pPQ
— angy mobley (@andymoney69) August 13, 2018
— ???? barbie ???? (@anthophetamine) March 18, 2017
her: i want you to hurt me
me: your sister’s more successful than you
me: not a big fan of the new haircut
— Das Skoogeth (@Skoogeth) August 9, 2018
who masturbates for pleasure anymore? we out here masturbating to sleep
— luis (@ShineMyGold) August 11, 2018
judge: how do u plead? spill the tea sis????
defendant: all tea all shade? i hid the body????????????
judge: omg sis ur cancelled and that’s that on THAT????????
— ???????????????? ♥ (@kobychill) August 3, 2018
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
— Aditi Sharma (@NazaakatWali) August 12, 2018
BUILD A BOTTOM pic.twitter.com/yvswnCZ6uZ
— ⛓️ NONSTOPPUP ⛓️ (@NONSTOPPUP) August 8, 2018
gay sex is a sin but so is premarital sex so if you have gay premarital sex the sins cancel out like pemdas
— jenny craigslist-ferreira (@STORMlJENNER) July 26, 2018
“toxic” is such a meaningless word now. made a dodgy joke in 1998? you’re toxic. forgot to say “bless you” after someone sneezed? you’re toxic. the taste of your lips i’m on a ride? you’re toxic i’m slippin’ under
— rob (@noonbinary) August 12, 2018
Uh…. they’re called twinks pic.twitter.com/FmoQCPCYmK
— Claire ???????? (@Claireekm) July 31, 2018
ah yes my kind of weddings pic.twitter.com/UOxXtN3DLG
— ???? (@borealfiends) August 11, 2018
in my tinder bio i mention that i have an MFA and i’m pic.twitter.com/nrPYK4A4IP
— Meredith Jeffers (@MeredithJeffers) August 8, 2018
me w a boyfriend vs. me without pic.twitter.com/0o4x44ej6n
— Carlo (@BR0K3B0I) March 18, 2017
Akon: I see you winding and grinding up on that pole I know you see me loooking at you and I want you to know
10 year old me: I WANNA FUCK YOU pic.twitter.com/2i08ZO75w7
— NOT SAINT J (@houston_trill98) August 9, 2018
she succ me
*pulls petal off a rose*
she succ me not
— soroush (@dearmrchrist) June 9, 2015
You either die a sugar baby or live long enough to see yourself become the daddy pic.twitter.com/1fRZSlp2xL
— ???? Manic Pixie Dream Goth ???????? (@Vulpixel_) August 6, 2018
when u nut but the government keeps conspiring pic.twitter.com/k7ZSvNFmvb
— chai goth? CHAI goth? chai GOTH? chai goth… (@Abid_ism) February 15, 2017
When you suckin his dick n he whisper fuck pic.twitter.com/9eujIXvdWx
— Taylor Allard (@tayallard) February 2, 2017
my clit watching me grab my hitachi magic wand for the 11th time this week pic.twitter.com/LNc35gIPaH
— queen of queens (@chanelsface) November 10, 2017
I just yelled "YANKING ON THE DICK!" so loud all the birds in the neighborhood flew away pic.twitter.com/tDvNpAvxoR
— Kevin (@Ginjerk) February 14, 2017
is this about sucking dick pic.twitter.com/nlG1kfwcPJ
— emo inet ???? (@inettino) January 29, 2017
Okay Arizona pic.twitter.com/Xg27vGatOq
— $hibari $hoelace (@JuulXantana) February 4, 2017
Why does somebody not know how to flush a toilet after they've hadda SHET?
WELL IT WAS FOOKIN ONE OF YAHS!
— Crazy Broke Asian (@henryevil) August 13, 2018
Richard Nixon campaign badges. Such innocent times. pic.twitter.com/lHT1wQ7MKw
— Líam Rudden ???? (@LiamRudden) March 11, 2017
my only two moods pic.twitter.com/eBHK3Yh8I0
— popular slut (@kindslut) October 13, 2017
I don’t want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. I just hit him up like “Hey how are you today?” and he replies “Doing great thanks for asking here’s $7,000. “
— Olivia Vincent (@Oliviathepig907) August 4, 2018
reading sexts you sent when ur not horny anymore and u can't believe those things went thru ur head pic.twitter.com/D5pB3U6XIP
— Ricardito Chavez (@bryanlicious2) January 6, 2017
This entire shelf of own-brand cereals sounds like an old English army Major, trying to find a euphemism for gay men. pic.twitter.com/Ah7qy8LTqt
— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) March 16, 2017