20+ ‘Guy Secrets’ Women Don’t Know About

11. On how to make a man feel nice:

Almost nobody ever compliments men. A simple compliment can make a guy’s week. We’re starved for it.

10. On never actually *wanting* to pee outside the toilet:

We don’t miss the toilet seat on purpose or have bad aim. Sometimes the stream is hard to direct, and sometimes there’s more than one.

9. On life with a floppy appendage hanging off you:

We try to discreetly fix our balls by sidestepping mid walk.

8. On how shallow deep thoughts really are:

You know the meme with the couple facing opposite sides? Yeah well it’s accurate as fuck. 99% of the time, when you think we’re having some thoughts about really deep issues or cheating on you, we’re just thinking about random shit like “Do bald guys shampoo their heads or just use regular soap?” . So stop worrying

7. On saying what we mean:

When I say, “I don’t care” it means….”I don’t care”

6. On being prepared or not:

Fathers often don’t teach sons about sex. They just expect sons to learn it elsewhere.

5. On how insanely boring boy talk really is:

No people bond tighter than two men talking about something nobody else in the world cares about. This is what “boy talk” is all about.

I’m a gamer and my best mate is in Singapore. A new patch came out so we were sitting on voice comms doing nothing in particular trying to figure out how the new numbers changed our gameplay and optimizing really minor crap none of you care about. But specifically to the two of us it’s the most interesting and consuming thing in the world to talk out our pointless ideas with each other.

10 minutes later we realize one of our gal friends was in the voice channel and we’re like “oh my god, spy!” and she goes “yeah been listening to your boring ass boy talk”. That’s when I was like oh, right. Even half a planet apart, with no facial interaction, hand gestures, any if that standard evolutionary crap… Male bonding is completely uninhibited. Don’t need anything but two working brains and a problem to ponder.

4. On staying on:

The male orgasm STARTS with cum and ends several seconds later. If you stay on the cock after we finish, we will likely convulse from what is either pain or euphoria (we don’t know which)

3. On how to make your partner happy:

We like to feel special as well.

2. On the When Harry Met Sally argument:

Your “guy friend” would fuck you if given the chance. That’s why your SO hates him.

1. On nothing really actually meaning nothing:

We can spend hours with our best friends and not say anything of significance. This conversation happens once a month:

What did you guys talk about?


How’s his wife?

Idk. Good I think.

Are his kids enjoying their new school?

What new school?

You spent 6 hours with him, you really talked about nothing exciting?

We tried to make the best possible baseball team using only names that start in R