jacob
Maybe I’ll be a pretty footnote in yr memories, of your wild youth. you silly boy. you have no idea how much i loved you.
my life was something else before u showed up. and it will never be the same. i dont know if human memories and wishes can alter the fabric of the universe (you would probably correct me and laugh), but something, my reality, has changed. i know that much.
and you probably dont give a f*ck. i mean i could hate you, but even when i wanna kick yr ass yr still the most interesting, unpredictable, luminous person on the planet. and im powerless against such.
i love you. i always will. you idiot. because i can.
yoursarrian
Mommy, I don’t forgive you.
Mommy, I love you. I’m sorry that I said such hurtful things, but the truth is, we both needed that. You needed to hear that.
You’re a great mother, you always were. You gave me everything I needed and more. I was a really privileged child, and maybe It has made me entitled over the years, but I know you did your best. But mother, your best was not enough to prevent me from becoming this damaged teenager I am today.
Mother, you watched my father as he hit me. To correct my behaviour, he would say. To make me a better human being, you would parrot. But mother, it hasn’t. It only made me resent you and him, and I always will. I’m not able to forgive you mother. You let him hit me. You let him physically punish me. He was a man, a big man. I was a skinny, small child. And you let him hit me.
Mother, you would let him verbally abuse me. He had no patience with me, for nothing at all. Even the thing he wanted to teach me, if I didn’t learn fast enough, he would yell. I would give up on things that I really wanted, that would make me bond with my father, because I was too scared of him. I wanted to play the guitar, like him. I gave up after the first look of anger linger on his face. I was scared.
He would always mistake fear for respect. I don’t fear anymore, mother. If he touches me now, he’s going to jail. Or I will, because I’ll kill him. I would make you a widow, mother. I would orphan my sister and myself, but I won’t get abused by him again. I’m a proud woman, mother. I’ll kill him before he kills me.
My sweet sister, mom. Bianca, mommy. What have him done to her? She hates him. She always hated him. Mommy, why didn’t you stop him? She was yet younger than me, and he would hit her with the same might he would a man. Mother, why didn’t you stop him?
When she slit her wrists the first time, he cried. He asked me where did he go wrong with us. You hugged him, and looked me in the eye. You told me it was my fault my sister tried to kill herself. With all the words, you told me. I was 13, mother. I cried in the school bathroom that morning, mommy.
Mommy, I will never forgive you. But I love you mother. I wish you saw that, and I wish you saw why I’m always inpatient and angry. Why I will scream and shout, and be disobedient, and question your authority. Mother, I love you, but I don’t trust you to make the best decisions for me. Even if you had in the past, because some of your decisions destroyed me. Ruined me.
Mother, I love you, but I don’t forgive you. Never will.
Weirdbraziliangurl
All I Ever Wanted Was To Be Your Spine
But I can’t hold you up anymore. Especially when you do nothing to support me. In fact you tear me down. You said you were in trouble, and if you really fall somewhere bad, I think you know I’ll be there in a heartbeat. But you’ve hurt me for the last time. Well, I’m probably lying there, because when it comes to you I’m horribly weak. But at least for now I mean it. For today I’m done. I know I can’t shake you forever. And I still think we’ll probably end up together someday. I think you know it too. I never believed in the “meant for each other” thing, but if it exists then sorry, pal, we’re it. And what kills me is you know it. I know you. Maybe not the nitty gritty sh*t that’s made you so hard and cold 75% of the time, but I know you. I knew that you’d never clean your closet, I knew that you needed that car ride to calm you down, I knew that that song made you think of me even before you said it. And I know that you love me too. It’s pretty obvious in that 25% and I wish you’d stop fighting it and treating me the way you do, because you’re losing me, I’m running, before I end up like you, just as hard and cold. I don’t want to be like that. I’m tough as nails, but I’m fragile when it comes to loving people and you’ve found my softest spot. It’s like how I hate being poked in the side, and you keep spearing me to the flank like I’m up on the cross. So f*cking stop it, all right. We both know this is bullsh(t. You’re never going to find this again. If you do, I’m happy for you, because that’s real f*cking luck, pal. A pretty girl, who’s smart, funny, knows all your bullsh*t and loves you unconfu*kingditionally, and would put up with all of it if you’d just stop being such an inconsiderate moron for a second.
violinsontv
