I’m sorry I ruined our friendship
It happened. It ended. And I don’t think either of us are happy with it. This is what I was afraid of, and why I didn’t want to do this. I hope you believe me when I say I wish I didn’t have these feelings, and that I wish I could make them go away. I can’t imagine the frustration that must have caused you. I know you don’t understand, and I wish you could see why I couldn’t make them leave. I never cared that we had nothing in common, or that you don’t see relationships the way I do. I only knew what I felt about you, and that it was a part of me. It was your kindness, your selfless care for other people. All the flaws, and fears, and frustrations you had made you so human to me. I loved that we were able to be open with each other about these things. The kindness and warmth you gave me over the years meant so much.
I’ve considered the possibilities. Was I obsessed? Did I love the idea of being with you, more than I actually loved you? I hope I never put you on a pedestal. We had plenty of disagreements, and differing views. These discussions were some of my favorite in hindsight. You could break me apart and comfort me like no other person I’ve ever known. I’ve reflected on this so much, and I hope what I felt was real. I feel pathetic. I know we never dated. I know you’d never want to and I don’t hold that against you. I would always want to be your friend, and I will still always be there for you.
Of course right now I feel some anger, resentment, and hurt. They’ll pass. I think it is sad that these past 4 years amounted to a series of painful text messages. I feel as though both of us deserved more than that. Maybe you are right that us not speaking will be beneficial to me. Part of me agrees. Part of me is grateful for this. I’d planned on talking to you about it before you beat me to the punch. I wish I had, because I would have tried to do this differently. But hindsight is 20/20.
I will miss you as my friend. I will always care for you in some way. And I hate myself, because it is my fault that we will both just become a sad story in each other’s past. I am so sorry.
couldbedifferent123
Short ended sticks
Hey.
First and foremost.
I love you and I have loved you. I tried and have tried harder than I think you will understand, right now or possibly ever.
Dude.
You lied.
You told me a story that would hurt the f*ck out of me. That would make me question who I am as a person. You consciously did this. I don’t know why. I don’t care. But it happened. This is not the first time.
It is scary.
You and I created what could have been a life. And you made up a lie about me and then tried to feed it to me like I wouldn’t notice.
Literally about what we created.
Literally about what keeps me up at night, what I am still physically bleeding for, what has made me question who I am on this planet and why I deserve to sit here right now.
You created a lie about it. And you used it to hurt me. You did that.
It was not your womb that shed its existence. It is not your body that still sheds its existence.
But it was your mouth and your heart and your mind that created a lie used to hurt me…the body that is still shedding its existence.
I cannot fathom being in a place like that. Your place. Although I experienced it today, I felt it, I was on the receiving end of it.
It was scary.
I refuse to wonder. I refuse to attempt to analyze why. I refuse to justify your actions. Any longer.
I will only choose to accept that you are broken and I cannot, will not fix you.
And I will remove myself from caring. Because this is your sh*t, not mine.
I will mourn the loss of the life that grew inside me without you.
I will mourn the loss of hope I had for us.
Without you.
You will never again be allowed to blame me, fictitiously or otherwise, for your own misery.
Good luck.
Donion_Ringz
To my best friend
I can’t believe you’ve been gone for almost nine years; you’d be twenty-five now. Your absence left a hole in my life that won’t ever heal. When we were kids I was so presumptuous; I thought we’d be friends forever, growing together. Nobody I’ve met cares about people like you did. You weren’t just there for me, you were there for anybody who needed somebody.
There aren’t words to express how much your friendship meant to me. I can only aspire to be as kind and gentle as you were.
I miss you.
comrade_julie
