I miss you
I have had a few drinks tonight. Here I sit in my apartment alone, thousands of miles away from home, thinking about you. And I realize now it has been a long time since we said our last words to each other. Months have gone by. But I still think about you every day. And I don’t think there will ever come a day that I don’t think about you and the way that you once made me feel.
You hurt me, and I cried enough tears to fill pools. I replay the scene in the car in my head from time to time. And it fills me with a deep regret and an indescribable pain. But all I can hope is that you are happy now. From the bottom of my heart, with no malice intention. And I think that this is okay.
I think I have moved on. But I love you now and I love you forever. That will never change.
legoyas
What you guys can’t see
Not sure if you guys realize why I’m so chaotic and random. Why I throw myself through every thought in my head with such abandon. Yeah I’m crazy a bit clinically and a lot figuratively, but I have to be. The more I slow down the more thought I give to everything the more I can feel myself thinking. I can feel my thoughts and feelings of unworthiness, of scum, my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness rise. So I can’t stop running through my head. I can’t afford to be depressed again like I was. I can’t afford to lose out on more social experience due to my own ineptitude with depression and normal people. So I have to go through the morbid thoughts too. And I’m not sorry if I offend you. I’m not sorry if I seem sarcastic and cynical. Hyper and almost maniacal about pursuing bizarre trains of thought. I have to. I feel like if I don’t and I know from experience if I don’t just keep running around even if it’s in circles. I will sink. I will drown.
Th3_Ch3shir3_Cat
Blessed are the forgetful.
The time has passed so oddly since we were together. It feels like yesterday to me, but dates don’t lie. It’s been almost 4 years since we were “dating”, and a year since we last spoke.
My mind is constantly drawn to you. You’re etched into my soul. I often find myself waking up at night, drenched in sweat and in tears. The dreams (nightmares?) of you haven’t ceased. I miss you so much. I miss my best friend. My other half.
I hate what you did. I hate it so much. The very things you claimed to find terrible, are what you did to me. You boldfaced lied. You used me. Worst of all, you threw me away for her when you were done.
I can’t even think straight. I have so much to say to you but I can’t even begin to organize these thoughts. These feelings. I keep sputtering out bits and pieces of how everything happened. I’ve been in a fog ever since, a ghost in my own life.
You seem to be doing well, and happy. I’ll save you the bother of thinking about me – you’ll never see these “letters.” Don’t worry, I’ll take my pills and be the numb fool. I won’t impose on your new life.
breaking_idle
