Here’s an original observation — breakups are tough.
Yes, it’s true. Whether it was a 2 month mistake, or a 5-year even bigger mistake, there’s no worse feeling than suddenly being thrust back into the dating world with your head spinning and questions like “Where do people even meet, now?” “Do guys buy drinks still or am I on my own?” “I hear there’s swiping involved?” “Literally what year is it?”
The good news is, we’re here for you.
You’ll get back up on your feet before you know it but for now, it’s time to take some time for yourself. Indulge, cry, scream, eat nachos. It’s okay. These products are here to help you in your post-breakup;pre-best-self life.
Full Disclosure: We may receive some of the proceeds from sales made on this list. We’re deep in a pyramid scheme and this is the only way out.
1. Socks with instructions for your roommate.
When you’re passed out in a haze of sadness and alcohol, your roommate will have clear instructions for how to get you back up. This is called planning ahead.
Check ’em out here.
2. Ceramic takeout bowls.
This will help you ease your transition from eating takeout every day to being a real person. One step at a time.
Check ’em out here!
3. Solar system bath bombs.
For the period of time in which you’ll be living in the bathroom and thinking about your place in the universe.
Check ’em out here!
4. A soup and sandwich platter.
It’s better than sobbing while you try to scrub soup off your couch. Trust me.
Check it out here!
5. A unicorn doormat.
Because it’s cute, and it’ll remind you of how he walked all over you.
Check it out here!
6. Bourbon infused coffee.
Because you’re going to wake up needing a little extra something.
Check it out here!
7. A chips and salsa carrier.
One more reason to not leave the couch! And that list is already 446 items long.
Check it out here!
8. A cheese melting… thing.
Why even ask questions? You can melt cheese and slide it right into your face. You won’t even remember your ex’s name for the entirety of that blissful experience.
Check it out here!
9. A microwave popcorn maker.
You’re going to be catching up on shows and/or rewatching all of Gilmore Girls so you’re going to need supplies.
Check it out here!
10. A DJ cat scratching pad.
You’ll never even want to date again once you see your cat acting like a DJ for the first time. It’s way cuter than when your ex acted like a DJ because that was his “real passion.”
Check it out here!
11. Plush organs.
Because he ripped your heart out. But you still have your kidneys and liver for now.
Check ’em out here!
12. Some porn.
Between this and actual porn, you’ll wonder why you ever wanted a boyfriend in the first place.
Check it out here!
13. A silky robe.
It’ll be the only thing touching you for the forseeable future, so it may as well be soft.
Check it out here!
14. Wine pearls.
If you don’t feel like a rebound queen yet, these’ll help get you there.
Check ’em out here!
15. A hanging herb garden.
When you’re single it’s good to have a project. And this can be the 4th thing you let grow wildly out of control because you no longer give a f***.
Check it out here!
16. A home fermentation kit.
Start it now, and by the time you have a new boyfriend you’ll be able to give him homemade pickles!!….???….!!?…?!
Check it out here!
17. Something with a little heat.
It’ll make you “weak in the knees” apparently. Hot sauce – 1, your ex – 0.
Check it out here!