You love pizza. You love jokes. Obviously you do, or you wouldn’t be here. So let’s just stop beating around the bush and take a look at the funniest pizza jokes ever. Pretend it’s National Pizza Day or something. It probably is somewhere, right?
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I've only done that with pizza
— Sean Gabay (@ixSEANxi) July 31, 2012
I'm gonna name my kid Pizza so I can be like "I love you, Pizza" and "Time to eat, Pizza!" and "Your dad and I are getting a divorce, Pizza"
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) November 13, 2014
I just opened up a pizza box and the heat fogged up my glasses like some sort of nerd who saw something sexy
— Marie Colette (@MarieColette) December 5, 2012
Sex is a lot like pizza. They're both not very good at Sbarro.
— andy levy (@andylevy) March 10, 2014
ME: I'm only ordering 2 pizzas because they're buy 1 get 1 free
PIZZA GUY: That special is over
ME: 2 pizzas please
— eric (@ericsshadow) October 2, 2016
People dabbing the grease off their pizza: Give me those napkins, I'll eat them.
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) March 12, 2014
There should be a dating service where, instead of always having to make the first move, I can eat pizza and die alone.
— Jon Comulada (@joncomulada) October 26, 2015
Hey kids, know whats cool? When u grow up u can order pizza 2 nights in a row & nobody gets mad at u. Except ur wife. And ur doctor actually
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 10, 2016
HOT QUIRKY GIRL: i love pizza
ME: no freaking way
— ret byram (@rad_milk) August 7, 2016
The only thing that could possibly be more divisive than this election would be if we as a nation tried to order a pizza together.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 27, 2016
*calls up pizza place*
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
— Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
How to hit a woman's G-spot:
1. Put her in the car.
2. Take her to Pizza Hut.
3. Order a-
Wait, sorry. This is how get her a P'zone.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) August 4, 2016
If you can't tell the difference between delivery and DiGiorno, then you shouldn't be allowed to vote.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) August 8, 2012
Not to get political, but people who use utensils to eat pizza should be in federal prison
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) March 30, 2016
Remember when kale was just decor on the Pizza Hut buffet?
— Princess Anús (@Slashleen) September 16, 2016
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie you're dead man you just got hit by the moon that thing is huge
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) September 30, 2012
porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 31, 2012
Sex is like pizza: if you lower your standards enough, you can get it in 30 minutes.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 12, 2015
the dominos app now has a voice ordering assistant. you can now order pizza, by speaking
— rob whisman (@robwhisman) October 14, 2014
I wish people wouldn't refer to Pizza as "za" cause that's how I refer to influenza.
— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) March 19, 2014
Life hack: as long as you never cut the pizza into slices, you can eat the whole thing and it's technically one slice.
— Laura (@LauraLikesWine) August 27, 2016
[walks into pizza hut with a huge garlic stick sword] papa John sends his regards
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) July 1, 2016
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
— shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
Life hack: make Mexican food at home by folding two slices of pizza together and calling it a quesadilla
— elan gale (@theyearofelan) June 26, 2016
Me: "I'm so tired. I need to eat pizza."
Also me: "I am so tired from eating all that pizza."
— GAB ???? (@gabydunn) September 21, 2016
Place one pizza on top of another to create a Venn diagram showing the overlap between "Happy People" and "People Who Have Pizza"
— Licensed Esthetician (@SortaBad) March 14, 2014
6:15 pm: i should definitely cook dinner tonight
6:16 pm: omg taco bell has delivery
6:17 pm: im gonna order pizza too and make them race
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 31, 2016
My mom froze actual pizza, like fresh slices from a local pizza place, which should assure her a spot in the Mom Quarterfinals.
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) July 8, 2016
Shout out to Medium-Sized Caesar. No one talks about him 'cause he didn't start a pizza chain and whatnot but he was a good person.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 24, 2016
Usually I say I'm watching porn but I'm really watching the Domino's pizza tracker
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 20, 2014
The clay scene from Ghost but it's just me alone with a large pizza.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) October 19, 2015
i tripped and the pizza just fell in my mouth again
— maura quint (@behindyourback) October 20, 2015
When I die don't put flowers on my grave, put pizza.
— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 7, 2014
When Domino's says the pizza will be ready in 30 min but they exceed your expectations & have it ready in 15. pic.twitter.com/i6NyFWZtzy
— ChampagnePetty (@__Dutch) October 20, 2015
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
— JENNA MARBLES! (@ItsJennaMarbles) May 24, 2013
When you just in time to get that last slice of pizza. pic.twitter.com/EFoeobV4d7
— Arsenalist (@arsenalist) October 20, 2015
a porno where a hot delivery boy brings me pizza except we don't do anything we just eat the pizza & be friends & he texts me the next day
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) March 4, 2015
I ate so much pizza at the restaurant that the extra slice I brought home doesn't seem like food to me, but rather, my child
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 14, 2014
Peyton Manning’s success is even more impressive knowing that just 4 years ago his neck was completely replaced with Papa John’s pizza crust
— ROB FEE (@robfee) October 19, 2015
I ordered pizza and cheesy bread for dinner. I ordered bread with cheese on it and cheese with bread around it.
— kelsey darragh (@kelseydarragh) October 18, 2015
when you know you shouldn't order that pizza but it's buy one & get one free night pic.twitter.com/FenEECgdDE
— thomas a moore ? (@Thomas_A_Moore) October 20, 2015
Relationship status: Just said "See you later" to the guy delivering the pizza
— Dean Burnett (@garwboy) October 17, 2015
I couldn't find a charger when my phone died so I had to call Dominos & order pizza from a landline like the Pilgrims did in the olden days.
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) October 15, 2015
any pizza can be a meat-lover's pizza if you eat it when it's too hot and burn off part of the roof of your mouth
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) October 15, 2015
Pizza's here guys! I shout to the empty house.
A single tear runs down the delivery man's face. He knows.
— Deirdre (@figgled) October 15, 2015
Science question: Why is there no such thing as enough pizza?
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 22, 2016
How many glutens had to die to make your vegan pizza Darryn?
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) February 28, 2017
whenever i order a pizza i ask for extra umbrella fungus. they're like what? and i'm like mushrooms! haha i've never felt the touch of a man
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) January 2, 2017
When someone takes the last slice of pizza. pic.twitter.com/OqL2CRCgxO
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 2, 2016
If you don’t fold your pizza into a perfect cube before eating it people in New York City will beat you to death with dead rats
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) November 4, 2016
"Hi, if you're seeing this I guess there definitely is a limit to how much pizza you can eat in one day."
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) January 2, 2017