You love pizza. You love jokes. Obviously you do, or you wouldn’t be here. So let’s just stop beating around the bush and take a look at the funniest pizza jokes ever. Pretend it’s National Pizza Day or something. It probably is somewhere, right?
1.
https://twitter.com/ixSEANxi/status/230145906811486208
2.
I'm gonna name my kid Pizza so I can be like "I love you, Pizza" and "Time to eat, Pizza!" and "Your dad and I are getting a divorce, Pizza"
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) November 13, 2014
3.
https://twitter.com/MarieColette/status/276416273217384450
4.
https://twitter.com/andylevy/status/443077032780775424
5.
ME: I'm only ordering 2 pizzas because they're buy 1 get 1 free
PIZZA GUY: That special is over
ME: 2 pizzas please
— eEric (@ericsshadow) October 2, 2016
6.
People dabbing the grease off their pizza: Give me those napkins, I'll eat them.
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) March 12, 2014
7.
There should be a dating service where, instead of always having to make the first move, I can eat pizza and die alone.
— Jon Comulada (@joncomulada) October 26, 2015
8.
Hey kids, know whats cool? When u grow up u can order pizza 2 nights in a row & nobody gets mad at u. Except ur wife. And ur doctor actually
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 10, 2016
9.
HOT QUIRKY GIRL: i love pizza
ME: no freaking way— ret (@rad_milk) August 7, 2016
10.
The only thing that could possibly be more divisive than this election would be if we as a nation tried to order a pizza together.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) July 27, 2016
11.
*calls up pizza place*
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
12.
How to hit a woman's G-spot:
1. Put her in the car.
2. Take her to Pizza Hut.
3. Order a-Wait, sorry. This is how get her a P'zone.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) August 4, 2016
13.
If you can't tell the difference between delivery and DiGiorno, then you shouldn't be allowed to vote.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) August 8, 2012
14.
https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/715291355535261696
15.
https://twitter.com/Slashleen/status/776845843794104320
16.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie you're dead man you just got hit by the moon that thing is huge
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) September 30, 2012
17.
porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 31, 2012
18.
Sex is like pizza: if you lower your standards enough, you can get it in 30 minutes.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 12, 2015
19.
https://twitter.com/robwhisman/status/522025546361106432
20.
I wish people wouldn't refer to Pizza as "za" cause that's how I refer to influenza.
— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) March 19, 2014
21.
Life hack: as long as you never cut the pizza into slices, you can eat the whole thing and it's technically one slice.
— Laura (@LauraLikesWine) August 27, 2016
22.
[walks into pizza hut with a huge garlic stick sword] papa John sends his regards
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) July 1, 2016
23.
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
24.
https://twitter.com/theyearofelan/status/746893604027674624
25.
https://twitter.com/gabydunn/status/778694547991777286
26.
Place one pizza on top of another to create a Venn diagram showing the overlap between "Happy People" and "People Who Have Pizza"
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) March 14, 2014
27.
6:15 pm: i should definitely cook dinner tonight
6:16 pm: omg taco bell has delivery
6:17 pm: im gonna order pizza too and make them race
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 31, 2016
28.
My mom froze actual pizza, like fresh slices from a local pizza place, which should assure her a spot in the Mom Quarterfinals.
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) July 8, 2016
29.
Shout out to Medium-Sized Caesar. No one talks about him 'cause he didn't start a pizza chain and whatnot but he was a good person.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 24, 2016
30.
Usually I say I'm watching porn but I'm really watching the Domino's pizza tracker
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 20, 2014
31.
The clay scene from Ghost but it's just me alone with a large pizza.
— Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 (@PinkCamoTO) October 19, 2015
32.
i tripped and the pizza just fell in my mouth again
— maura quint (@behindyourback) October 20, 2015
33.
When I die don't put flowers on my grave, put pizza.
— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 7, 2014
34.
https://twitter.com/__Dutch/status/656577670638125056
35.
https://twitter.com/ItsJennaMarbles/status/338076308691099648
36.
When you just in time to get that last slice of pizza. pic.twitter.com/EFoeobV4d7
— Arsenalist (@arsenalist) October 20, 2015
37.
a porno where a hot delivery boy brings me pizza except we don't do anything we just eat the pizza & be friends & he texts me the next day
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) March 4, 2015
38.
I ate so much pizza at the restaurant that the extra slice I brought home doesn't seem like food to me, but rather, my child
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 14, 2014
39.
https://twitter.com/robfee/status/655911812873912320
40.
I ordered pizza and cheesy bread for dinner. I ordered bread with cheese on it and cheese with bread around it.
— kelsey darragh (@kelseydarragh) October 18, 2015
41.
https://twitter.com/Thomas_A_Moore/status/656587636015017984
42.
Relationship status: Just said "See you later" to the guy delivering the pizza
— Dean Burnett (@garwboy everywhere else too) (@garwboy) October 17, 2015
43.
I couldn't find a charger when my phone died so I had to call Dominos & order pizza from a landline like the Pilgrims did in the olden days.
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) October 15, 2015
44.
any pizza can be a meat-lover's pizza if you eat it when it's too hot and burn off part of the roof of your mouth
— rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) October 15, 2015
45.
Pizza's here guys! I shout to the empty house.
A single tear runs down the delivery man's face. He knows.
— Dee (@figgled) October 15, 2015
46.
Science question: Why is there no such thing as enough pizza?
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 22, 2016
47.
How many glutens had to die to make your vegan pizza Darryn?
— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) February 28, 2017
48.
whenever i order a pizza i ask for extra umbrella fungus. they're like what? and i'm like mushrooms! haha i've never felt the touch of a man
— Jade Van Kley (@BacklineNurse) January 2, 2017
49.
When someone takes the last slice of pizza. pic.twitter.com/OqL2CRCgxO
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 2, 2016
50.
If you don’t fold your pizza into a perfect cube before eating it people in New York City will beat you to death with dead rats
— Dr. Bucky Isotope, why am I here, am I even real? (@BuckyIsotope) November 4, 2016
51.
(at funeral)
*presses play*
"Hi, if you're seeing this I guess there definitely is a limit to how much pizza you can eat in one day."
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) January 2, 2017