35 Utterly Random Thoughts I Had While Watching Last Night’s GoT

Episode five of Game of Thrones’ seventh season had everyone on the edge of their seat, mainly because we were left with such a f*cking cliff hanger last week. Also – when TF is Jon going to figure out he’s a Targ? I’m getting impatient.

Currently, I’m in France and it’s hard AF to get Game of Thrones over here (I had to go in the deep, dark corners of the web), but I’d never leave y’all without my ridiculous thoughts on our favorite TV show.

1. Oh what’s up Jamie’s alive. HOW?

2. How did he survive with all that armor on? Doesn’t it sink? I’m confused, I need answers.

3. Everyone stays calling Jamie an idiot, Lady Olenna, Bronn, maybe Jamie’s just stupid.

4. Tyrion looks like every bartender after ladies night checking to see no one died.

5. Dany the HBIC in full effect. Take that throne baby girl. Tell that Lannister army who’s in charge.

6. “Bend the knee or die.” Tyrion is all WTF girl where did this come from?

7. No one to listen until a dragon’s screaming in their face – sounds like me arguing with my boyfriend.

8. Is Sam’s dad going to die???

9. Wow Dany girl, you are so savage!!!!!!!

10. Yeah nowwwww everyone’s going to bend that knee.

11. Cersei’s looking at Jamie like a disappointed mother.

12. Cersei’s face after Jamie tells her about Olenna killing Joffrey – constipation.

13. Most toxic relationship award of 2017 goes to the Lannister twins. Barf.

14. Jon Snow petting a dragon – step ONE to finding out he’s a Targ!!! I’m screaming inside.

15. Dany talking about her dragons is like a mom talking about her ugly babies. Sorry guys, not all babies are cute AF.

16. THAT ARMY IS NOT F*CKING AROUND HOLY HELL.

17. The army of the undead looks like people waiting online for the new iPhone.

18. Poor Sam doesn’t even know that his dad and brother died, my hearttttt.

19. Varys is kind of right, Dany is becoming power hungry. The Mad Queen? No that’s definitely still Cersei.

20. Jon Finding our Arya and Bran are alive was severely underwhelming.

21. Dany looks hella sad to see Jon Snow leave her. Don’t be in love with him Dany! That’s your nephew.

22. Arya Stark is the new Queen of Savage, making Sansa dumbfounded.

23. HOW did Tyrion and Davos get to King’s Landing in .5 seconds???

24.GENDRY!!!!! BABY! HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE THOSE CHISELED ABS?

25. “Nothing fucks you harder than time,” preeeeach.

26. Cersei is the OG of resting b*tch face.

27. Jamie is too good for Cersei. Even IF I was letting their incest slide, he’s too good for her. *cue Drake*

28. CERSEI HAS ANOTHER INCEST BABY COMING? NOOOOO.

29.Samwell Tarly you listen to this sh*t, your girl is saying some IMPORTANT TRUTHS about your friend’s birth!!!!

30. Littlefinger taking the cake for the creepiest creeper episode after episode.

31. $1,000 that scroll had something to do with Jon Arryn’s death that Littlefinger lied about.

32. Ugh I guess I’m out $1,000.

33. Did Littlefinger just tell my girl Arya up? Not my watch, creeper.

34. JON GOT TO THE WALL IN .5 SECONDS? Someone explain to me how GoT travel works because basically, some people take years to get somewhere and some people take .5 seconds.

35. Jon Snow basically got together all of the outsiders in this cell to fight the army of the undead. It looks like the Avengers taking on the wall.

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Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.