With most movies you have to look past unrealistic moments because it’s not real and if the movie were based solely on reality, the characters would just be sitting around staring at their phones for hours and there’d be way too many bathroom breaks. Seriously, no one in movies ever pees. It’s troubling. Rom coms have been known to set an impossible standard of romance for couples, but you’ll be glad to know that some of those grand gestures are actually illegal. And what kind of lover would you be if you had to spend your life in prison? Not a good one, in my opinion.
1. Secretly Record Your Love Interest
Hey when’s the last time you watched American Beauty? That movie is absolute garbage about rich, white people that are bored of being rich and white. Very relatable content right there. One of the most notable moments is when Ricky, the Hot Topic emo neighbor, records a bunch of poorly framed footage and claims it to be art. Remember the plastic bag in the wind? Lol. There was also the scene where he was recording Jane, the neighbor girl, getting dressed through her window. There are some obvious crimes here, but also remember that they’re underage, so technically he’s making child pornography. And if there’s one thing that’s not romantic it’s child pornography.
2. Follow Your Crush Around
There are so many things in movies that seem sweet because the person doing them is hot and you know their intentions. If you think about the movie While You Were Sleeping for more than 30 seconds, you realize it’s a terrifying tale about a crazed woman that catfishes a man in a coma. But it’s Sandra Bullock, so we all think it’s adorable. Think about how many movies show someone in peril, only to be rescued by their sweet, misunderstood stalker. Then the stalker takes them to a creepy cave or dungeon, but it’s only to protect them. Yeah that’s a crime and also completely horrifying.
3. Go Beyond Airport Security Without a Ticket
Love Actually may have romanticized slipping past security to rescue your relationship, but after 9/11, it became a lot less heartwarming. You can’t even take a love letter tucked in your sock through TSA, so your best bet is to make things right before you get to LAX, because you’re definitely going to get caught and you’re definitely going to jail. Also don’t let them spend all that money on a plane ticket before you reveal your true feelings. That’s just financially irresponsible.
4. The “Boombox Above Your Head” Moment
Look, my heart melted when John Cusack did it because it’s John Cusack. When it’s your drunk ex-boyfriend Dale holding his Zune and portable speaker above his head at 3:30am on a Wednesday blasting “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, it’s a lot less adorable. Technically it’s considered disturbing the peace and is a crime in the eyes of the law. Sorry Lloyd Dobler.
5. Climb the Fire Escape and Professing Your Undying Love
There are so many bizarre elements to the movie Pretty Woman that we’ve just overlooked. The ending is particularly notable because, instead of just running up the stairs to let Julia Roberts know there’s a tacky, white limousine out front waiting for her, Richard Gere decides to ascend the fire escape. Not only is this incredibly dangerous, it’s also illegal. Plus you’re going to be all sweaty and out of breath when you get up to the room and that’s certainly not a look you want to go for when asking your prostitute girlfriend to be your prostitute wife, or whatever it was that happened at the end of that movie.
6. Punch The Guy That Hits On Your Girlfriend
Sorry, but the eyes of the court don’t care of Joseph Gordon-Levitt was defending the honor of Zooey Deschanel when he punched an obnoxious bar patron in the face. The 500 Days of Summer scene glosses over the aftermath of that scene because it’s not as cute watching someone fill out a police report and having to show up in civil court, but that’s what would realistically happen. Unfortunately it’s not illegal to be a douchebag, so your best bet is to walk away instead of throwing a haymaker at his jaw.
7. Interrupt a Wedding
This is possibly the most bizarre trope in romantic comedies and, while it’s TECHNICALLY not illegal per say, there are plenty of trespassing charges that could be filed against you. The main reason this one is so bad is because it’s pretty much the ultimate dick move. This couple has spent months, if not years, planning their perfect day, buying flowers, cakes, dresses, and you’re just going to roll up, in front of both families, and try to stop the wedding? There’s a very good chance her uncles are going to beat the crap out of you and if they don’t, those hungover groomsmen definitely will. Also you couldn’t find the time to let her know how you feel until HER LITERAL WEDDING CEREMONY? You sound like a real piece of trash, if I’m being honest. Enjoy jail or hell or wherever it is you’re going.