It’s really hard learning how to love yourself. With all of these instagram baddies and f*ckboys who make us feel bad as women, learning to love yourself comes as a real struggle. In this open letter, I am going to help you understand why learning to love yourself will actually improve your life overall.
When I was thirteen, I learned to hate myself. I always hated everything about myself. I hated my voice, my face and my body all at once. Being insecure, and in middle school, I called a lot of attention to myself with this attribute itself. I was made fun of for my weight and even for the fact that I am Jewish. I remember swastikas being drawn on my notebooks and coming home to a Facebook notification that a group had been made about me. The group was called “Talya is so fat.” I remember crying for a week straight.
That year, when I was only fourteen, I decided to stop eating. I shrunk and became so skinny so quickly, that is was almost frightening. And now that I look back at this, at twenty years old, I hate myself for it. I don’t hate myself now and who I have become, but I hate the person that I used to be. I felt so badly about myself that I decided to let people dictate how I carried myself.
I remember coming back to school after summer break, entering into my sophomore year of high school, and almost every one of my friends commented on my appearance. I remember them telling me that I looked so skinny and beautiful in my new skin. I remember hearing people telling me that I looked amazing. And I especially remember feeling like I was finally beautiful. I was finally accepted.
Except I wasn’t. People still continued to make fun of the fact that I was Jewish and the way that I acted and the things that I said. That’s when I came to the realization that people will always have something to say about you. No matter how much weight you lose or gain, and no matter how many times you decide to dye, grow or cut off all of your hair, people will always feel the right to make a comment about your appearance and the way you carry yourself. And in the end, it is their right to comment. So why not just do whatever the hell you want, because in the end the real reason we do anything, by human nature standards, is to bring attention to ourselves and attract other people.
When you learn to accept the fact that people are going to say whatever they want to say and you can’t do anything about that, you will truly learn to love yourself. You will gain the ability to do or wear whatever you want without the second thought of “what will people think or say?”. And once you start doing what you truly want to be doing with yourself, you will learn to love yourself.
And trust me, I know it’s hard. Human nature has allowed us to have this common trait between all of us in which we wish to remain as a group and liked by one another. And I know that these Instagram baddies aren’t helping with our self confidence, but I take this new trend as a blessing. These Instagram baddies are inspired by other Instagram baddies. And yes, though they do take nice pictures of themselves, don’t you want to be yourself and not someone who is trying to be like everybody else? Being yourself is a lot cooler and probably takes a lot less upkeep than being a “baddie.”
When you do learn to love yourself, things will change. Life will get better. Personally, I believe that the energies you put out into the universe will come back to you. So by just the pure act of self-love, you will release these positive energies and positivity will enter your life. If you are truly and fully yourself, you will find people (whether that be friendship or love) that will love you for who you are and not judge you for doing what you want to be doing. You will allow positivity and new experiences and people to enter your life, and when you are not judging yourself, you will learn to not judge others and others will not judge you.
When I was thirteen, I learned to hate myself. Now that I am twenty, I have learned to love myself and hope to pass that on to you.