When people talk about love, the first instinct they have is to discuss the pleasure and joy it brings into the world. Love is an emotion that people correlate with sunshine, rainbows, flowers – pure happiness.
They don’t want to talk about the dark, deep, torment that comes with some kinds of love. Not all love is perfect – not all love is real. In fact, it’s rare when you do find a pure, infectious love that is mutual between two souls. It’s rare – and it’s beautiful.
But, what about the love that happens when one person has dove in, head first into the jungle and the other person stands on the outer corner, briefly looking in? One person has taken the plunge into the emotional pool, while the other person simply treads their feet in the water.
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Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is a dagger to your heart. You know that it’s the truth, but you don’t want to admit it. You may have fallen for a friend, who will never look at you romantically. You may have begun dating someone and fallen in love too soon.
Or, you may be in a relationship with someone who says they love you, but in reality, you know it’s not real.
You feel it when they look into your eyes and you see nothing behind their blank stares. You feel it when they hold you in a way that no longer feels like home. You feel it when they tell you they love you, but it doesn’t sound sincere.
The pain of loving and not being loved in return is real. It hurts. You walk around all day with an aching in your chest. You try to figure out why it has to be this way. What can you do to change it, how can you make it right? You blame yourself.
The harsh, harsh truth is – you can’t force someone to love you. Love isn’t something that is pressured and obligatory – it’s supposed to be something you feel, independently, at your own pace and time.
You cannot blame yourself for someone else’s inability to see your worth.
You cannot blame yourself for someone else’s inability to value you.
You cannot blame yourself for someone else’s inability to love you.
There are billions of people in the world. There are people who are going through exactly what you’re going through – struggling down the path of unrequited love. They are wondering if there is anyone else out there who will ever love them, too.
You may love this person – with all of your heart and soul. You may have pictured a life with them, thought about a future, maybe even taken steps towards that life. But, if you feel that emptiness, you know deep down in your heart that it isn’t real, it isn’t right – leave.
You deserve to be with someone who will love you through all of your days. You deserve to be with someone who wants all of the things that you do – even if it is a white picket fence, kids, a dog – you deserve to be with someone who respects what you want, even if it may not be exactly what they want.
Love is about growth and compromise, as much as it is about being yourself. When you love someone, you take all of their thoughts and needs in alignment with your own, and make it work, together.
If you find yourself with someone who is unable to grow beyond their own, personal needs – you know that this isn’t love. You know that this isn’t real.
You know exactly what you need to do – no matter how much it hurts.