How could you not see that you’re all she wanted? How could you not see her holding on with every fiber of her being to make it work?
You turned her strong, willful personality into an issue. You couldn’t handle being challenged by her, so you buried the very traits that make her, her. It was easier to see things your way than to try and understand her.
And when you drain out the very essence of someone until they can’t even recognize themselves anymore…that’s when the problems begin.
You just couldn’t get that she was the type of girl who showed her love by pushing you out of your comfort zone. She craved more from you for yourself, every dream of yours became hers and she never failed to call you out when you weren’t living up to your potential.
She didn’t just serve to please you and because of that, you failed to feel her real love for you. She didn’t fail to see how great this love could’ve been, how it could’ve changed the both of you for the better. Unlike you, she knew it would take work but she knew that the work would’ve been worth it. You, on the other hand, couldn’t see past instant gratification so you stopped making the effort to choose her and started to look elsewhere.
You couldn’t handle how real this could have been, but you could handle placing the blame on everything else. To you, your behavior and actions weren’t the problems it was just that you “wanted something easy, drama free.”
And while you may still have seen yourself as the gentleman who did everything in his power to make her feel special, the reality was far from it. The only thing that was easy about this relationship was how easily it was for you to chip away at her until she felt nothing but her insecurities.You covered up the emotional beatings with your own issues to the point where she was suffocating while trying to heal you. And even then, when she could barely breathe, you piled the excuses, the betrayal and the flat out bullshit on top of her as your attempt to bandage it all up.
But no matter how many times you became that “gentleman” lifting her back up from it all, her heart could never fully recover. You failed to understand just how much damage was caused and so her pain turned into something you could see. Her pain turned into rage and that’s when you stopped loving her. How could you not see that her rage was because of your toxic self?
This wasn’t easy or drama free, it was difficult and chaotic and she was still holding on but somehow that was too inconvenient for you to try harder. So she got off this rollercoaster and you came crashing down. You couldn’t take the fall so you decided to be the man she needed, but in the end, it wasn’t a change for her. It was for you. And it wasn’t a change at all.
It took you awhile to realize that but she learned quickly that it would always end the same way. You loved yourself too much to see the big picture and she lost herself trying to get you both to that big picture.
She may have hated herself for blindly trying to get you both to a love so out of this world, but she never saw herself as stupid. She knew you had something complicated and intense and was the biggest challenge of her life. But she also knew that it was the love that you fight for again and again because you don’t get that with just anyone.
You knew she was right because you felt it too but you decided not to fight to keep her. You knew, as insufferable as it would be to watch her leave for good, you had to because she deserved to experience this love with someone who could do the work.
And while you may think you’re a hero for saving her from you, the truth is you’re not. You are the reason why she didn’t get the love she deserved. You are the reason therelationship failed instead of lasting a lifetime. You let your toxic bullshit drag her down rather than protecting her with the love you felt.
She was strong and would have weathered any storm with you but every woman has their limit on how many battles they can fight alone. So change, choose to lover her and she’ll never make you regret it.