I LOVE eavesdropping on people. Whether I’m in line at the grocery store, at a restaurant, on public transportation, etc., I’m always trying to listen in on other peoples’ conversations.
What does that say about me? Am I sick? Twisted? Or maybe just bored…
Anyway, take a look at the responses these AskReddit users came up with when they were asked, “What’s the best thing you ever overheard”:
1. High five
I was in charge of running the sack race for my elementary school this year. The fourth grade was racing, and when they were done this kid walks back towards the starting line with his potato sack in his hand and says to no one in particular, “I thought I had that in the bag!”
I gave him a high five.
2. Hey o!
I was on the street near one of those guys who “spreads” the word of God. He was pointing at a man and shouted, “You sir, are going to hell!”
With a shrug the guy goes, “Nah man, I’m just going to the DMV, you’re going to hell for lying.”
3. Tramp stamp
I overheard a guy talking to a girl at a music festival. He exclaimed, “Woah, you got so messed up last night. You have a penis tattooed on your back.” She replied with, “Eh, at least it’s something I like.”
4. Bathroom talk
As I was leaving the bathroom I heard a man say, “Urinal conversation is alright as long as the guy doesn’t compliment you on your watch.”
Overheard at the grocery store yesterday, a man was explaining to his kid that steaks come from cows. The boy says, “Why do they have to kill innocent cows?” and without missing a beat the dad says, “Because there’s not a lot of guilty cows running around.”
6. Showed him
People trying to hand out bibles on campus.
Man: “Would you like a copy of the Old Testament?”
Other guy: “No thanks, I have the new one.”
7. Clever kid
Overheard a 4th grader say, “Issues? He doesn’t have issues. He has a subscription!” From the mouths of babes!
8. Train humor
As I entered the train station, I glanced at the clock and realized I’d probably missed my train by at least 10 minutes. No big deal, I was pretty sure they were every 15 or 30 minutes.
I approach the ticket kiosk and the following conversation takes place:
Him: “Yes mate?”
Me: “Return ticket to Derp please.”
Him: “£3.40 please.”
Me – hands him the cash and as he prints off the tickets I say
Me: “Any idea how the long the next train will be?”
Him: -without missing a beat- “They’re usually 3 to 5 carriages.”
Me: -the cogs turn – luckily I figure out the joke in a reasonable timeframe- “LOL”
Him: “I’m so happy! I never get to use that joke!”
He was so pleased with himself. Can’t blame him really, awesome joke and delivered with superb timing.
9. Down Under
Friend of a friend was entering Australia, going through customs.
Them: “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” Him: “I didn’t know it was still a requirement!”
They eventually did let him in, but they were clearly not happy with him.
10. What a guy
I was in a restaurant Gordon Ramsay was opening. He came into the dining room and a journalist came up to him.
She said, “Mr. Ramsay, I am So-and-so from WhateverMagazine. May I have a minute of your time?”
He said, without missing a beat, “Aw, it’s Christmas, love. I’ll give you a minute and a half.”
A conversation about names shortening and changing ie. Elizabeth to Beth, then it got to confusing ones like Teddy being short for Theodore. Then:
Friend 1: “How do you get Dick from Richard?”
Friend 2: “Take him out on a date first.”
A gay man to his female friend while I walked to my gym:
“I have the worst luck! It could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face with a vagina!!”
13. No it ain’t
I heard a girl talking on the bus about how she was going to smack the crap out of some girl she knew. Her friend said, “But she’s pregnant!” to which this girl replied, “Her face ain’t pregnant.”