They move the police cars. I pick up the kids an hour late. I call all the friends to be like OH MY GOD CREEPY NEIGHBORS GOT ARRESTED AND ALSO WE MAY BE GUEST STARS ON SOME POLICE SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
When I get home, one of my friends has the details. Creepy neighbors were running a gas gift card scam. I won’t pretend to understand how that works. But the cops have been trying to catch them for months. The dude has been extradited to Colorado.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
The woman will probably get out on bail. Since they didn’t sign a lease, the detective said the person on the actual lease could authorize us to go in and pack up their stuff and change the locks.
I immediately yell “I’LL DO IT” because I don’t want creepy neighbors.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
So the friends and I text the leaseholder for permission and go through a window, because it’s not breaking and entering when it’s an emergency.
And omg you guys.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
First of all, those cops tossed the shit out if that place.
Secondly, meth is a helluva drug.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
We packed all the shit up. Designer clothes with the tags still on. Hundreds of losing scratch tickets. A lot of pipes.
Like, a lot of pipes. There were only two people, how many pipes do you need.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
A bunch of organic food and articles about getting fit which seems super weird because the first step is probably STOP DOING METH.
Goonies on DVD. Brand new shoes. To do lists, which literally included crimes.
I am not joking.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
The couch had a huge hole burned in it. There were joints in the bedsheets. And lots of containers of bubbles.
Idek what that’s about.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
And a box of baseball cards. Like, legit Topps 1988 baseball cards. And I thought, fuck, this is the one real thing they have. This dude is running from the law but he’s carrying around his childhood baseball cards. And I thought, that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
Until my friend says “did you see this.”
And it’s a wooden box. With the woman’s mom’s ashes.
So, I guess I know her name was real.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
I mean, fuck.
Meth is a helluva drug.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
So we carefully wrapped it up. Gathered up about $10 in loose change. Put it with all the rest of the stuff in bags and boxes on the porch. And we changed the locks.
I hope she comes back to get it. I hope I’m here so I can ask her if she needs a ticket to somewhere.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
But no way in hell am I letting her back in. Because, while we’re cleaning out the house, I found some desk organizer trays I had bought. And one of my plates. And a couple of my cups.
Meth heads definitely stepped in dog shit in my house while stealing some dollar store shit.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
The moral of the story here is threefold:
Sometimes it’s good to lock your doors.
Always act like you’re under police surveillance, because maybe you are.
Don’t do meth. It’ll fuck your life up.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
Also, there’s a husky puppy named Ryley at the Pasadena Humane Society. He’s a sweet hot mess of a dog.
Someone should go find him, and take him home.
The end.
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
Helluva day, you guys. pic.twitter.com/Silw2PnQaR
— Erin Burr, sir (@erinscafe) April 18, 2018
I think I need five beers after that story.