So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said "I have a boyfriend" ok lettuce head
— Benton (@Bentono10) September 14, 2016
BRO IM SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED pic.twitter.com/bTRQVZrYsR
— ??? ???? (@araslanian_) December 23, 2017
My roommate went on a bumble date and was nervous so decided to pound shots in her car once she got to the place they were meeting and the guy was parked next to her and watched her chug vodka for 5 minutes.
Dating is rough.
— Syd (@s_kerekes) December 21, 2017
My man just FaceTimed me drunk as hell eating a slice of pizza while walking down the street and he goes YOU WANNA KNOW HOW PERFECT YOU ARE? LOOK AT THIS PIZZA… FOR YOU, I’LL DROP THIS PIZZA. IT’S GONE! and just threw the damn pizza into the street
— Kelly (@kellyblaus) November 27, 2017
It was a quiet car ride pic.twitter.com/F9ubGUoHAI
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) December 14, 2017
i was so high that i thought gpa meant grade point average and then i realized she meant her grandpa who is dead pic.twitter.com/Uyw1P9KK3Z
— james (@anuscosgrove) February 21, 2016
@TheBloggess Walked up to a baby-holding stranger (thinking it was my sister) at my daughter's soccer game and said "Give me the baby." ?
— hkell (@hkell) November 1, 2015
13 years ago I ordered an m&m blizzard at Dairy Queen and the lady who took my order screamed “ONE SMALL M&M BLIZZARD!!!” at the top of her lungs then immediately turned around and started making it herself and it’s still the funniest thing that has ever happened to me
— hannah sorrell (@hannahkimberlee) December 8, 2017
My mom just RUINED my dog and she literally said "he wanted to keep it long on the top" I am devastated pic.twitter.com/pjYuGYNhUm
— Lindsay Martin (@lindsaymartin15) November 19, 2016
I met someone today who worked for Triple A and I thought they said Chick-fil-A so after 15 min of talking, I asked what his specific job was and he said roadside assistance and I was like wow chick-fil-a is unmatched…then I asked how they make their sauce and then it got weird
— Josh (@yourejoshinme_) January 5, 2018