“In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.
“The next day, I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed okay,’ upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said.
“I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture. It is necessary and long overdue.” – Aziz Ansari
Twitter exploded with people supporting Grace and denouncing Ansari, saying the root of this very deep-seated problem is the normalization of rape culture:
A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers "normal" sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) January 14, 2018
The Aziz Ansari stuff is a perfect demonstration of how rape culture works and how men are socialized to feel entitled to sex. No, there was no rape, but this thing where men pester women for sex and don't let up, even when it's clear she isn't into it, IS RAPE CULTURE.
— Meghan Murphy (@MeghanEMurphy) January 15, 2018
The discourse around Aziz Ansari is awful, and that’s largely because we’re still talking about this shit in a binary way: his actions were evil or his actions were fine. He’s guilty of assault and his career should be over or his accuser is the one at fault.
— Judy Berman (@judyberman) January 15, 2018
The Aziz Ansari story is a good litmus test for who sees sexual misconduct as a strictly legal question and who is concerned about improving the overall culture surrounding sex and dating. It's also many times more relevant to the average person's experience than, say, Weinstein.
— David Klion (@DavidKlion) January 15, 2018
I hope this Aziz Ansari story will help people realise what consensual sex actually looks like. You don't have to physically say the word 'no' to mean no.
— Jemima Skelley (@jemimaskelley) January 14, 2018
That Aziz Ansari piece isn't surprising to me but it is difficult and heartbreaking because I've been there, many times because "nice" men thought they could use whatever kindness they had performed earlier to ignore my boundaries in intimate situations.
— Lara Witt (@Femmefeministe) January 14, 2018
Things Aziz Ansari does not do in this response:
• apologize
• accept any fault for the situation/discomfort felt by the opposing party
• be even vaguely self criticalThings Aziz Ansari DOES do in this response:
• continue to pretend the entire thing was consensual https://t.co/tiAL5GtKzb— Ruchika G (@RGothoskar) January 15, 2018
Just read that Aziz Ansari thing because I see so many people defending him that I sort of expected it to be challenging.. Nope. Dude is a fucking creep. If you're defending him, you dont know what consensual sex is.
— maple cocaine (@historyinflicks) January 14, 2018
However, there were many who also defended Ansari, pointing to the fact that Grace continued to have oral sex with him even after reportedly feeling uncomfortable and violated:
Someone said Aziz Ansari needs to lose his career… for goin on a date with a chick who blew him twice but didn’t like the experience so she said she was sexually assaulted. AGAIN, these sexual allegations are now a circus
— Wild Wild Seth (@SpikeReeds) January 15, 2018
Re the claims against @azizansari: Hon, giving a blow job might make the guy think you’re, I don’t know, into the WHOLE thing? This story is mostly about a real life experience with a male star not meeting a woman’s romantic expectations.
— Kimberly Ross (@SouthernKeeks) January 14, 2018
If Aziz Ansari is guilty of sexual assault, then I daresay we all are. Men and women alike. You people really need to be careful how loosely you throw around accusations, you're becoming quite reductive of an extremely serious problem.
— Max M. (@MakiSpoke) January 15, 2018
1/
What happened with Aziz Ansari?A woman got naked, paraded her genitalia around his apt for hours on a first date, performs oral sex on him, *hints that she might not be into it, he doesn't pick up on it, so they continued.
Rape?
— Theresa Searcaigh (@TSearcaigh) January 15, 2018
she shouldn't have gone home with a guy on the first date if she knew she was not emotionally equipped to say no. The culture has gone too far in just telling women they should abandon all self agency. take some responsibility.
— Casey "Stable Genius" Smith (@x0x0x00x0x0) January 15, 2018