Do you have any pricks in your life — your boss, your boyfriend’s mom, or maybe even your best friend? As the holidays approach, remember it’s always nice to be generous. Gift them something cactus-themed! They’ll think it’s a trend piece, in lieu of the avocado patterned merch — but in reality, they’re only getting it because they’re a prick. Haha!
Here are 12 cactus themed items to give that special dumb prick in your life! Hopefully they’ll realize that they’re not an excellent person, but instead a SUCCulent person.
[Disclaimer: Cactus items are cute and stylish, and you won’t be a loser if you purchase any of these! I’m just a salty satirical writer betch]
1. This hug me please cactus pillow:
This pillow is all of us after our third vodka cranberry! A living room is incomplete without a needy cactus pillow. Get it on Amazon.
2. These cactus socks:
Luckily these cacti socks are made from cotton and polyester and not actually cacti spikes —that would hurt! Jk, life already hurts! Get them on Amazon.
3. This cactus shower curtain:
When your prick’s legs get as prickly as that cactus on the curtain, she’ll know it’s time for a shave! Get it on Amazon.
4. This cactus comforter:
When your prick brings back a dude to her place to bang, he probably won’t even realize the decorative cacti on bedding — but don’t worry, I’m sure he knows she’s a unique, hipster, yuppie, betch, anyway! Get it on Amazon.
5. This cute catcus light:
Here’s one cactus that doesn’t need light, but actually gives off light! This one might not prick you, but may burn you if you touch it’s bulbs! Pick your poison! Get it on Amazon.
6. These trendy cactus pens:
Let your prick be the betch who stands out at the office meeting writing with her cactus pen! Everyone will be v impressed. Get them on Amazon.
7. These cactus fridge magnets:
Some women like to place thinspo on their fridge, but not your prick. Surprise herwith catci magnets! They’re plump, green, and always f*cking thirsty! She’ll resonate. Get them on Amazon.
8. This huge catcus makeup bag:
Even pricks like to be pretty – and it stores literally everything, which she probably needs! Get it on Amazon.
9. This catcus squishy:
Your prick can use this squishy toy as a stress reliever. Pricks must get really stressed when they realize everyone hates them. HAHA. Get it on Amazon.
10. This cactus headband:
This elegant headpiece will make it obvious to everyone that this person is a prick. Also, anyone else getting the Grinch Who Stole Christmas vibes? Get it on Amazon.
11. This cactus travel mug:
There’s a huge chance your prick drinks coffee — after all, they need the energy to ruin lives! Gift them this mug so they can take their fuel (which they probably drink black) with them on-the-go! Get it on Amazon.
12. These cactus candles:
After coming home from home a long day, your prick can light these unscented candles around their bathtub and think about how much of a prick they were today. Get them on Amazon.