You know how you see all those lists of funny tweets floating around the internet? Well, this is just like that, except all of the tweets were written by hilarious people with vaginas. Enjoy!
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UMMM I WALKED IN ON MH CAT TRYING TO WEIGH HIMSELF???? pic.twitter.com/fY01PfqJ5d
— Morgan (@FroganMeeman) August 12, 2017
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ME: run it again
WAITER: ma'am, it's a Blockbuster card from 1994
ME *leans in close* I said run it again— Mumsie (@MUMSIEesq) August 16, 2017
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R.I.P my moms vagina pic.twitter.com/KgCOjGZse7
— im (@booboothefooI) August 13, 2017
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the ground is denouncing white supremacists pic.twitter.com/BCXu8KirSx
— Jarry (@jarry) August 16, 2017
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radical islam pic.twitter.com/hnlB3S6YO9
— Dr. Firearm (@AliceAvizandum) August 14, 2017
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The Martin Shkreli's jury selection transcript is *kisses fingers* https://t.co/7Sd6WYDpZ6 pic.twitter.com/2omAt3TXiA
— Laura Hudson (@laura_hudson) August 16, 2017
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Chameleons are fun cause they'll grab anything you give them. pic.twitter.com/aTJ2Abjrs4
— Emma Ward (@Emma_The_Ward) August 17, 2017
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my ex was behind me in the popeyes drive thru and he screams out his window "you fucking lied about hating chicken bitch"
— Kenna (@kenna_alitz) August 17, 2017
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HAPPY APARTMENT HUNTING!!!!
NYC BROKERS ARE THE UNSUNG HEROS OF NYC pic.twitter.com/Wfl63uzfhd— Shannon Odell (@shodell) August 10, 2017
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Your law firm name is your surname plus the surnames of all the other named partners at your law firm
— Hera Lindsay Bird (@HeraLindsayBird) August 11, 2017
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when the estrogen's high / you can't code with this guy / that's damore
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 10, 2017
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Welcome to peak twitter ? pic.twitter.com/xoEqQjEDh4
— Julie Owen Moylan (@JulieOwenMoylan) August 10, 2017
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so, i’m waiting for trump’s opioid briefing to start and just noticed … the white house spelled opioid wrong pic.twitter.com/nyCvLlOp4Y
— kelly cohen (@politiCOHEN_) August 8, 2017
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Send prayers & good wishes for the guy who tried to pick my pocket on the luas, took out a tampon, got mortified & tried to put it back.
— Lisa Coen (@lbcoen) August 6, 2017
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What Names are Short For:
Tom – Thomas
Tim – Thimas
Jon – Jonmas
Phil – Philmas
Dan – Danthaniel
Rick – Ricktoria
Bob – Bobmas OR Bobbert— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) August 5, 2017
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My boyfriend just went really quiet for awhile then asked me in a worried tone "…where does a shark's face end?"
— Leesha Hannigan (@LeeshaHannigan) August 7, 2017
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My tote bag is made from recycled water bottles and my husband is made from clay and a spell
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) August 9, 2017
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Social media is also great if you want to travel around the world but still be preoccupied with your friend's emotional stability in Burbank
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) August 7, 2017
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I hate book descriptions like 'she wore her hair gathered at the nape of her neck' like that's a pony tail my dude
— carmen bb (@therealcbrad) August 11, 2017
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What’s with this dude that keeps saying “Turn around” in “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? Man, shut the fuck up, she’s trying to sing a song.
— REW (@therealeatwood) July 14, 2017
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— héloïse (@helenadonahue) August 20, 2017
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when you crave attention but also close yourself off emotionally pic.twitter.com/JP9XJnO77E
— jme (@leninwitch) August 22, 2017
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have just given the spider in my bathroom its eviction notice pic.twitter.com/h8XRObQD5x
— bee ? (@diasporational) August 23, 2017
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My grindr went off in my Uber pool and the women in front of me said, "I recognize that sound. My husband plays that game all the time!" pic.twitter.com/jhgWEBnWZ2
— ShangHiiieee (@ShangHiiieee) August 19, 2017