I tried to scan the bus ticket at the front door of my house to get in.
Making breakfast last week, I cracked an egg straight into the bin.
Once met some friends at a restaurant a few blocks from my house. I drove and parked on the street right in front of the place. After we ate, we walked over to Dairy Queen, walking right past my car in the process. I then proceeded to walk home from Dairy Queen. Got home and thought it was strange that my car wasn’t in the driveway…
A few years ago, my commute to work involved entering a train station and going down the escalator to the underground platform. I did this journey every day for about 4 or 5 years, taking the same route each time.
One day, and it happened to be on a day I was nursing a pretty nasty hangover, they switched the up and down escalators so that the one I usually take down was coming up instead. Dunno why, some sort of maintenance thing I guess.
Anyway, of course I head to the down escalator without even thinking. Pure autopilot. But when I step on to the escalator, instead of my brain recognizing that the stairs were moving in the wrong direction, I still tried to walk down…against the force of the moving stairs. I must have done this for a good 10 seconds before I had a “what’s going on here” moment and stepped back.
It was pretty crowded too…must have looked pretty dumb.
Was cleaning out my desk when a problem student turned up with his final essay that would allow him to graduate. I absent mindedly took and said a very unenthusiastic “Thanks” and threw it in the bin. Poor guy visibly teared up as he was leaving before I realized what I had done. Never ran as fast before to catch up with him.
17. From user kitjen
Not me but affected me. Me and my friend Marc were going to a party and he decided to drive there and leave his car. He just wanted to pick up a bottle of vodka from his house first. We pull up outside and he runs in while I wait outside in the car. He was in there for a while but I figured he might have been chatting to his family or maybe having a big poo. I didn’t want to interrupt either.
After about twenty minutes, his father returned home from walking the dog and saw me sat in the passenger seat of his son’s car, which still had the engine running. He went in and mentioned it to Marc who came straight out.
In the time it took him to walk up his path he had completely forgotten about us going to the party. He went in, made a sandwich, and took it to bed.
Working on an airplane and had to put my head in a tight spot to see a plug. Caught a sharp piece of metal on my cheek and immediately pulled my head away and slammed it on the other side of the opening. Repeat process two more times until I can force myself to stop the reactions.
19. From user ThEgPl
I cooked pasta with tomato sauce. Then my apartment owner called that somehow a rent didnt go through and i had to pay it afterwards. Usually after im finished cooking i wash the pots directly with dish detergent. This time i put the pasta on a plate but put the dish detergent on the pasta and put the sauce on the sponge and started to wash the noodle pot with my pasta sauce.
Dunno if it’s dumbest necessarily, but it could have ended badly.
I flew out to San Diego a few months ago. I fly maybe 1-2 times a year so I’m familiar with the process but I’m by no means a pro at this.
Atlanta airport, TSA line. Monday morning, so a huge crowd. Laptop in the bin. Suitcase on the conveyor belt. Shoes, glasses, keys, watch. Take off my belt. Unbutton my jeans and hook my thumbs in the top of my jeans and underwear and PREPARE TO PULL THEM DOWN…
Come on, brain, could you show up a little earlier next time?
I put a banana in the cutlery rack in the dishwasher and actually turned the dishwasher on. There was fucking smushed banana everywhere.
I also lost my then two year old for some time at school when collecting my eldest son. I ended up asking a group parents who helpfully let me know that the child I was looking for was in fact asleep in a carrier on my back….
22. From user _BING_
Pour hot coffee on an upside down glass…
Once I got off work and stopped at a gas station. Parked on the side of the building, went inside made my purchase. Came out, got in my car. Took several moments trying to figure out where the stuff hanging from my rearview came from. Snapped to the fact that it wasn’t my car and bolted before someone thought i was stealing.
The car was a 2 door. Mine was 4. Different color, different everything. Not remotely similar. I still cringe.
I defrosted a steak instead of a slice of bread for breakfast.
I had a great breakfast.
25. From user clinz
This actually happened and no I wasn’t on drugs. I was very intently focusing on the task at hand though …
However, there was a girl that from afar looked similar to me and I had the thought “What am I doing over there?” It was the weirdest autopilot thought process.
I cut up a customer’s credit card when I was working retail. I had several customers in a row that all used gift cards. After a gift card is emptied we were supposed to cut up the card and throw it away. On autopilot I would up swiping somebody’s credit card, cutting it in half, and dropping it in the trash while the customer looked at me very confused. Luckily they were very understanding of repetitive retail work, and didn’t get upset.
I tried to put my laptop in the fridge. I remember being annoyed that there wasn’t any room for it. I was like, ugh if it weren’t for this bottle of ketchup and jar of pickles my laptop could go on this shelf right here… oh….