Look, Tinder dates are hit and miss. Sometimes you end up hitting it off — drinks are drunk, sparks fly, things happen — but more often than not, you end up requesting an emergency Uber to get the hell out of there while your date breaks down crying about how his ex didn’t get along with his lizard.
Well whatever bad Tinder dates you’ve been on just started to look a whole lot better, because one woman in the U.K. just permanently lowered the bar for everyone.
Namely, this woman:
— Avon Fire & Rescue (@AvonFireRescue) September 5, 2017
…who got stuck in her date’s window and had to be rescued by the fire department.
Why was she in the bathroom window, you might ask? Good question. Apparently, she had just pooped in the bathroom, and after the toilet wouldn’t flush, she came up with the brilliant idea of grabbing the poo out of the toilet, wrapping it in tissue paper, and throwing it out the window.
I’ll let you read that again.
Good? Cool, because now it gets complicated.
The plan didn’t work, and the poop in question ended up sort of wedged in between the window’s dual panes. So that’s when she owned up to what happened, and told her date that they needed to conduct a poop rescue mission. The two of them went into the room and the woman — an amateur gymnast — dangled upside down into the window’s top-opening in order to grab the poop. She got it, handed it to her date, and requested to be pulled out of the window.
But he couldn’t. Much like her poop from minutes before, the woman was hopelessly stuck.
A rep for Avon Fire and Rescue service told the Bristol Post, “We received a call at 22:41 to one female trapped between interior and exterior glass. Two crews were sent from Temple station and she was rescued using hand tools.”
The date, Liam Smyth, then set up a GoFundMe campaign to raise enough money to cover the window. He currently has over $2000 more than he needs, and plans to donate the excess to charity.
And believe it or not, none of this was enough to stop Smyth from wanting to see her again. “We did go and meet for a drink to discuss setting up the crowdfunder,” he told Bristol Post. “She’s a lovely girl. I’m not sure what’s going to happen — I’m really busy with my dissertation at the moment — but I’d certainly be open to seeing her again.”
What a good chap. Of course, if I were that woman, I would never want to be seen by any human beings ever again for the rest of my life. I would become a cave-dweller surviving on grass and feral squirrels just to avoid making eye contact with anyone who’s read this story.
That’s just me though.